I Am A Teen!

Today I am 13 years old. Wow.

It has been an incredible 13 years. And today I am officially a Teen. Hmm... this day has great significance but since my mom has been super-busy, I just have to take things in my own hands and register this special day on this blog :)

I was born in the Year of the Rat. According to the Chinese Lunar calendar, individuals born under the sign of rat are shrewd and intelligent, possessing a strong zest for life. So far, in the first 13 years of my life, many would attest that I have lived up to my reputation *blush*.

My mother’s earliest memory of me - the real me, not the image of me in her womb – said much for my zest for life. My mother told me that, in the nursery of the hospital where I was born, I cried the loudest. My screams constantly disturbed the other infants who had the dubious pleasure of sharing the nursery with me.

Resting in a ward several doors away down the corridor, my mother could recognize my screams (or so she claims) but would surreptitiously feign ignorance. [“Wow, whose kid is that? What strong lungs, *laugh*!] Nevertheless, the wise nurses had a way of dealing with such situations – they just rolled my crib down the corridor so that I landed up next to my mother who had no choice but to acknowledge me.

My novice mother moved up the learning curve quickly, putting all the theories that she had read from her parenting books into practice immediately. Indeed, here is one mom who would refer to her book before attending to her child. When Method 1 did not work, flip a few pages, apply Method 2. If Method 2 did not work, try Method 3 on page 64. If it still did not work, repeat Method 1... or pass the buck to dad. (Just kidding)

But as all experienced mothers would tell you, nothing beats learning on the job.

I continued to test my mom's patience during the first two months of my life. But as we got to know each other better, we began to tango together smoothly, each day better than the previous day. She understood with her maternal instinct the things that upset me and I knew where she would draw the line and not push my luck too far. We were bonding.

I would not be able to condense 13 years of my life here. But I know my mother loves me more than life itself. I am sure she will write more about my special day another time.

So, nite, nite for now!

Manglish, Singlish, No Diff-la

Not too long ago, Son No 3 was whining about how much work he had and he said, "Aiyoh, want to pengsan already!".

Pengsan? I was quite amused to hear such a local expression coming out of the babe's mouth. I haven't heard this word for a long, long time.

Hmm... Son No 3 is getting quite localised. Actually, he did not understand what pengsan meant. He just knew that was what his teacher would say when she had too much work. [Incidentally, pengsan is the Malay word for "faint".]

Yesterday, Son No 3 surprised me again when he asked me what is the meaning of "alamak". Apparently, his English teacher had used the exclamation in school. I told him it meant "Oh dear..." and that it is a Malay word.

Yes, amused I was, but at the back of my mind, I was also alarmed. I suppose there is nothing wrong with interjecting a local word or idiom into an English sentence. This is the mildest form of Manglish. But at school, children do pick up all forms of Manglish when they interact with other children.

We do not speak perfect English at home but we try to speak mostly Standard English. I admit we occasionally lapse into creole (which is what the linguists call this form of speech such as Manglish or Singlish) but I don't think it is often.

Son No 2 is not much better. When Son No 2 tells a story or relates an experience, he likes to begin, "One time ah, I did this and that...." And I will always correct his sentence and tell him to begin with "There was once I did this and that...".

On one occasion, he wanted to jump down the stairs and I warned him, "Don't jump!" His response was classic. "Where got I jump?!!"

Yes, he is beginning to speak the more serious form of Manglish. This is not unexpected because he goes to a Chinese primary school and the teachers there are probably the main culprits. This is the trade-off for going to a Chinese primary school. Luckily, Son No 2 likes to watch TV and that includes good edutainment channels like Animal Planet, Discovery, TVIQ and recently - and I was truly surprised by this - even the History channel. So his formal speech is quite OK.

I would like to think that the two boys can code-switch to Standard English when the occasion demands it. Most of the time, they can speak fairly well, though there is obviously room for improvement. I just hope there is no further deterioration.

Son No 1, though, almost always speaks Standard English. He has been attending premier schools since young, whether in Singapore or here in Malaysia, and his classmates mainly come from upper class English-speaking homes.

When he first started school here, he asked me what the word "action" meant. Of course, he knew the proper meaning of the word, but he has heard some of the locals here using it as a verb, as in "No need to action-la." I explained to him that action is akin to showing-off.

For me, I am used to hearing both Singlish and Manglish, and so I do not really spot any glaring difference between the two. The chief difference is that Singlish has more Hokkien/Teochew influence, while Manglish has more Malay influence.

Otherwise, both creoles are quite similar. Both creoles use the suffix "-lah" liberally, albeit in different forms as in "-leh" or "-lo". There is also a fondness to tag sentences with "-one", as in "It's not like that-one..." and to use "got" before any verb, to indicate the past tense, as in "I got eat already..."

I guess the commonality of Singlish and Manglish is the obvious manifestation of the "bond" that tie the people from Singapore and Malaysia as having the same roots. I wish more people will remember that.

Pepper Lunch

The popular Pepper Lunch chain from Japan has opened its first outlet in Malaysia - at the Pavilion Shopping Mall. *Hurray*

We have patronized the restaurant twice over the past one month since it opened. Its signature item, the beef pepper rice, served on a sizzling pan, is Son No 1's favourite and he never fails to order the meal whenever we have the chance to go to the Junction 8 food court in Singapore.

So enthusiastic was he over the dish that he tried to make his own version of the pepper rice at home (below, left). I reckon it's not too bad, considering he did not have the corn and the beef in his rice!
The real deal is on the right -enough to make you drool!!!

First Taekwando Competition

Son No 1 went for his first taekwando competition yesterday. He has been attending taekwando lessons for more than two years and now holds the red belt, which is one grade below the black belt.

As this was his maiden competition, the aim was to get match experience. He was such a novice that he was still learning the rules and how to score points just before the match, lol!

To us, it was an eye-opener because we did not realise that it was such a popular sport. There were many serious competitors there - and we were like the most "recreational" type that you can find.

Son No 1 did not win his match but got the match experience that he needed and which would come in useful for future competitions.

After the match, Son No 1 complained that his jaw hurt - but as we reviewed the mini-video recording that we made, we could see that he gave as much as he got. His ego probably got more bruised in the process, but hey, don't forget it's The Climb -things can only get better from here!

Below left: Son No 1 waited for about 4 hours for his match
Below right: Son No 1 was the competitor in blue, executing a kick

What A Wonderful World

Exactly one year ago, Son No 1 complained that he was not able to read clearly what his teachers wrote on the white board. We brought him to the optometrist and it was found that he had slight myopia (around 100). Although the optometrist thought he did not really need glasses, we made a pair for him anyway.

Son No 1 only wore his glasses during lessons. At first, we just let it be. But since late last year, we realised that his vision had deteriorated somewhat. But still, he wouldn't wear his glasses regularly. It became frustrating talking to him because he was literally blur. His world has shrunk to less than 20 feet in radius around him.

Why didn't he want to wear his glasses? In one word - vanity.

It is something that I find hard to understand. This is what I told him - that the world is a beautiful place and God has given him this wonderful gift of sight and it is such a pity that he is not using this gift fully. I would be distressed if I see someone walking to me and I cannot see the face - should I smile or not? I wouldn't want to miss out on interesting things happening around me that others talked about. And I wouldn't want to see trees as blobs of green - I want to appreciate every single leaf.

I was not just saying all that to make a point. I really meant it. My sight is very precious to me. In fact, now that I am getting older, my biggest complaint is that I am not able to read well. Yes, long-sightedness has caught up with me and it is such an inconvenience.

Anyway, Son No 1 finally changed the lens to his spectacles today. His myopia had gone up from around 100 to 200. And today, he has started wearing his glasses more than usual. From his excited exclamations about the ordinary things around him, one might be forgiven if one thought he was someone learning to see for the first time.

Yes, dear, it is a wonderful world.....

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you.

I hear babies crying, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.

12 Going On 13

Today, Son No 1 joined his classmates for a hang-out at Mid-Valley for the entire afternoon. Note that "hang-out" is the politically-correct term - not an outing, a gathering or an excursion, all of which sounded too "schoolish", so I was told.

The classmates have been planning this hang-out for weeks, chatting almost every night over Facebook or MSN - where to go, what to do, which day should they go. You may wonder, since they see one another in school everyday, why don't they just talk about it in school, but ah, that's not how young people communicate nowadays. I have seen youngsters sitting around the table, "talking" to each other on Facebook, lol!

This was a hang-out that Son No 1 almost missed. Based on some earlier plans that we had, our whole family should be in Singapore today. I told him well in advance of our plans so that he could canvass among his friends not to have the hang-out today, but still, the majority voted for today. When the voting results came out, Son No 1 hid his disappointment well - but he knew his priorities - we were going to Singapore for Qing Ming - and that was something that was non-bargainable. I am proud of his maturity over this clash.

Then, by a stroke of luck, our plans unexpectedly changed and we were back in KL yesterday, enabling him to make it for the hang-out in the end.

Son No 1 was the first to arrive for the 11:30am appointment time. He was already all dressed up and ready to go by 10am, which was pretty unusual - his penchant for last-minute preparation is legendary. Unfortunately, his friends were tardy. We waited there with him for half an hour before going off and only 3 other boys had arrived. The girls were all going to be late - what a shame. But in the end, they all made it and they went bowling, had McDonald's and watched a movie together. You know, basically hanging out....

My firstborn has grown up much this past one year. His voice has deepened and he is more outgoing. Clothes and hair gel are now on his shopping list and black suddenly became a favourite colour. He is both more considerate and more self-centered, it depends. He is both the nurturing brother and the bullying brother, rolled into one. He is both more chatty and more silent, depending. Like the weather, his taste and predilection can change overnight.

Ya, it's the onset of puberty. There are both positives and negatives associated with this adolescent period. I can't help but notice the growing maturity in thoughts and speech in my firstborn. Nevertheless, the negatives have not escaped my dear son. Mood swings are more common now. For mild moodiness, I would just ignore it. I may roll my eyes, or pass a sarcastic remark of my own, or grumble to my spouse, but largely, I can understand it and would put it down to hormones.

However, when it comes to excessive displays of temper or moodiness, I will not condone it. Hormones or not. While I may understand the scientific basis of the biological response, it is something else if we let such hormones control or take over our lives. Humans are blessed with the faculty to think and this is what sets us apart from other animals. We can choose how to behave and hormones should never be used as an excuse.

Just like my son facing uncharted waters as he enters his teenage years in two months' time, I face my own virgin territories as I challenge myself to remain an effective, relevant parent as my child grows. I have never been a mom to one who is at the brink of adolescence before. Nevertheless, whether it's 2 going on 3, 12 going on 13, or 22 going on 23, the same basic principles should apply to make it work: Love, respect, honesty - from both sides.

Baby, I think we should do fine.

Qing Ming

Yesterday, my hubby and I, together with the 3 boys, made an overnight trip to Johor Bahru, my hubby's hometown, some 300 km away. We were observing Qing Ming, which is the Chinese equivalent to All Souls' Day. Traditionally, the English translation of Qing Ming was Tomb-Sweeping Day, an important day in the Chinese calendar where families gather to commemorate the departed in their ancestry tree.

In Son No 2's Chinese school, Qing Ming is a school holiday. In general, schools in Malaysia have 3 discretionary holidays, and I am glad that the Chinese vernacular schools here have chosen to use one of those discretionary holidays for Qing Ming. It signifies the Chinese community's deeply committed values of filial piety and remembering roots.

For the first time, I was in charge of buying all the things that were traditionally used for such visits to the grave. My sister-in-law was ill and we were on our own this time.

Now, I am not a believer of burning joss sticks and paper effigy or things like that and I do not believe that burning such things will eventually reach the intended recipients. [Interestingly, I told the children we were going to "visit" grandma and grandpa's graves while my hubby told them we were going to "pray" to grandma and grandpa - I noticed the difference in terminology - but I wonder whether the children realised the difference.]

But I carried out my duty to shop for joss sticks, candles and stuff on my spouse's behalf and I did the best I could. I was amused that nowadays, besides the mansions, maids and mobile phones, the paper effigy merchants actually stocked LV handbags, birds' nests and even lace lingeries! The departed must be having a really rocking time down (or up) there. On the other hand, it was sad that school uniforms were also available for children who had met untimely deaths.

Anyway, this was the first time that Son No 2 and Son No 3 followed the rest of us to visit the columbarium where both their paternal grandparents rested. Unsurprisingly, they had plenty of questions. When we showed them the photos of their grandma and grandpa, Son No 3 was pretty insistent that he wanted to see them (as in physically), although he knew they were dead. I don't think he really understood what death meant.

Both of them were intrigued by the burning of the hellnotes. Why was it that when the money was burnt, the money would go to dead people? Well, I am glad they were logical thinkers! I told them it was just a traditional belief - I actually used the word "traditional" - lol, trying to hide behind big words again. But they were smart - they knew what I meant. Oh, you mean, it is like play-pretend??? Yes, something like that.

After that, Son No 3 asked why do dead people need money? Aha, good question. I told him, not really.... and before I could continue, Son No 3 answered his own question. Oh yes, he forgot, it was just pretend.

Son No 1 made an interesting observation of his own - the hellnotes had the same serial numbers! Trust him to be so aware of numbers!

The next question the younger boys asked was where did dead people go? I told them honestly, we really don't know - and that there were some things that people do not know, even when they became adults. I know it would be easy to tell him that dead people went to heaven, but there are some things that I think they would have to search and find answers for themselves.

Then came the difficult part - when they asked, after dead people were buried, what happened to the bodies underground. I remember they have asked this before when their pet hamster died. I told them the bodies would disintegrate. Disintegrate meant decay. In the end, the bodies would become like the soil again. Oh, they asked, is it like they will disappear....? Ya, something like that. Son No 3 then asked would worms come out from their bodies. Well, I think enough is enough! Surely we do not need to go to the gory details.

It was a quick and tiring overnight trip. But I am of the view that Qing Ming is a good and meaningful Chinese tradition. I look at it devoid of religious implications and I intend to carry on this tradition within my family. Now my children are young but looking into the future, it should provide yet another opportunity for busy family members to make time to get together and reflect on their common past. It would be a good way to refresh and renew ties.

Activity Snapshot

The following snapshots feature "One Week In The Life Of...."
(Scheduled events only)

Son No 3

- 5 days of kindergarten (8:30am - 12:30pm)
- 3 Mandarin Enrichment classes
- 1 English Speech & Drama class
- 1 Piano lesson
- 1 Taekwando class

Son No 2

- 5 days of primary school (1:05pm - 6:40pm)
- 2 Mandarin Enrichment classes
- 1 Piano lesson
- 1 Taekwando class

Son No 1

- 5 days of high school (8:00am - 3:30pm)
- 2 Mandarin Enrichment classes
- 3 Tennis sessions
- 1 Taekwando class

Mummy

- All of the above (driving duties only)
- Less overlap in Taekwando (class attended by the 3 boys together)
- 1 Marketing trip to the wet market
- 1 Grocery shopping trip to the hypermart

Wow... how humdrum can life be...

OK, invites going out to everyone to top the humdrum scale....=^=

The Rainbow Connection

It is fair to say that whatever our age, we are excited when we chance upon a rainbow. But after the initial excitement, what next? Well, then it does depend on your age...

Son No 3 would say "I want to go to the rainbow". His mummy, down-to-earth and dead-honest as usual, would say that he can't. Why not? Well, because a rainbow is just a vision.... (blank look), it is an illusion... (huh?), it is not real.... (it looked very real to him). Look, it will disappear when you go near it, OK? "You mean, it is like the clouds?" Hmm... never mind, I do not really want to take away that innocence so soon. I can't very well tell him that the rainbow is caused by the refraction of electromagnetic waves when the waves travel through media of different density.

Son No 2, two years older and thinking that he is wiser, would say "No-la, you can only get the rainbow when there is rain and sun together, right, mummy?" Then he would go on to say, "I want to go to the end of the rainbow." He has heard of the common folklore and wants that pot of gold. I am not sure whether it is a sign that there is still some innocence left in him.

Son No 1, the analytical big brother, would want to show off to his younger siblings. He would say, "I can tell you all the colours of the rainbow" and would go on to rattle off the names of the colours by heart. Then mummy would challenge him, so which colour is in the inner arc of the rainbow? And after pausing for a while to think, he would be able to provide the answer.

Mummy, on the other hand, would keep her thoughts to herself - pondering philosophically why she sees more rainbows here in KL than in Singapore. The last one she saw was just during the Chinese New Year period. Is the weather pattern here really so different?

Or is God showering more blessings on this country? After all, this country is run by clowns (and that's putting it really mildly since clowns do no harm to others) and yet, the country has managed to function and even escape great calamities. The country has been registering positive growth over the years despite the huge amount of wastage that flows through the very large crevices that everybody knows about. Is this country blessed (in a certain way) or what?

Coming back to the rainbow, some may offer this simple explanation: that Singapore has too many highrise buildings which block the line of sight. To even see the sky, for heaven's sake, one needs to look vertically up. So how to see the rainbow?!

There is an even simpler explanation: when most people come home from work, it is already dark. If one does not even see the blue sky, then how to see the rainbow?

Photo courtesy of pauel_0206

The Talk

I did not expect to get The Talk from Son No 3 yesterday.

Yesterday, Son No 3's school organized a Parents-Meet-The-Teachers session. Normally, there would be no school on that day but because his Chinese enrichment class was still on, he still needed to attend lessons. The prospect of my being around his school while he was having lessons must have troubled him. In the morning, Son No 3 made it point to specifically tell me that "when I am doing my work in my Chinese class, you don't look through the window and see (look at) me, ok?"

It was The Talk - the one where the children tell their parents how to - or not to - behave. Huh? I did not expect it so soon from Son No 3. He is two months shy of his 6-year-old birthday.

My hubby and I only received The Talk from Son No 1 when he was 10 years old. Son No 1 was going to perform a dance on stage and we would naturally be in the audience. Before the performance, he made sure he "prepped" us on how to behave. He told us that, whatever it is, Do Not Wave. Hmm... he must have been pretty bothered when we did that in the past. Clearly, our outward show of support was not appreciated.

I fully understand that there will come a time when children will want to be untied from the apron's strings. Heck, we raise them to be so - nurturing them to become confident and independent, ready to go out to embrace the world. So, should we be happily giving ourselves a pat on our backs?

Not so soon. I need to know one thing: that the children are NOT embarrassed to be seen with their parents. That they know that the image of them with loving, caring parents does not somewhat reduce their stature among their friends. That it does not take away their masculinity, manliness or machoism, whatever name we want to give to that quality that boys or men crave to be in front of their friends.

Of course I do not go out of my way to embarrass the children.

Recently, Son No 1 went for an outing at Mid-Valley with his classmates (5 girls and 4 boys). They were going to meet at KFC and then just hang out. When Son No 1 realised that I was going to park my car and go down with him, I could sense that he was kind of alarmed. But now that he was older and being the tactful boy that he was, he did not want to come outright to say that my presence would ...err, not be welcomed. Do not worry, I assured him, I was not going to tag along. [I didn't need to because two of the girls' mothers would be there *grin*] I was going window-shopping. See, I am not the molly-coddling parent.

I certainly do not want to hang out with their friends. But my point remains that my boys need to understand that it is alright to be seen with loving parents - whatever shape and sizes the parents are. If the friends view it negatively, then I would question the values held by those friends.

I remember this story one of my primary school teachers told us during moral lesson:

There was this girl who was ashamed of her mother because her mother was disfigured. In front of her friends, she would humiliate her and deny her presence. To the girl, the mother was ugly and she did not want to be associated with her at all.

Until one day, her principal called her in and told her why her mother was disfigured. When the girl was a baby, there was a big fire and the girl was trapped in the house. To save her baby, the mother fought her way through the flames, enveloping the little bundle with her own body. As a result, the mother was badly burnt and was disfigured.

Now, our lives are seldom fraught with such drama. But we do see the moral of the story.

So, you may ask, did I peep into Son No 3's Chinese class in the end? If you had ever been a mother of a pre-schooler, you would already know the answer. Truth be told.... of course I did.... I just made sure he did not see me!

Digital Natives

Son No 1 (above, 2 years old, 1998) is the first "digital native" of our family. He grew up in a wired world and learnt to control the mouse before he could hold the pencil properly.

A few months before his second birthday, he had his first interaction with the computer. He started playing a free sample CD-Rom called Living Books (pic) that was packed in a cereal box. He spent hours clicking here and there on the screen, seeing cartoon images pop out at his command. He was hooked. For his second birthday, we got him the Winnie-the-Pooh Interactive Animated StoryBook. And as they say, the rest is history.

Today, Son No 1 exhibits all the traits of a digital native. He:

1. types faster than he writes.
2. is more comfortable before the screen page than the printed page.
3. multi-tasks like crazy - he may be playing a computer game, messaging, chatting on more than one channel (eg msn and facebook), and even reading a real book in-between or doing his school homework - which is largely posted on his school web portal - all while listening to music on his i-pod.
4. is never without a digital gadget in hand - his cell phone, MacBook or i-pod.
5. sources information almost completely on google and wikipedia.
6. eschews the TV (due to commercials) and watches TV programmes on YouTube.
7. watches movie DVDs on his MacBook.
8. adopts new technology and ideas like fish to water.
9. wants everything instantly, or yesterday.

Lately, Son No 1 achieved a new feat. I saw him playing two computer games at the same time! He explains - it's like he sets up the battle in one game, and while waiting for his on-line opponent to respond, he can toggle to another game. Oh my.

I know Son No 1 is not the exception. He belongs to the 29% of the Malaysian population who are digital natives. In a recent survey (Synovate Young Asians, 2007), it was found that this group, aged 8-24, multitask so intensely that they are able to fit a total of 43.8 hours of media activities into a 24-hour day! This is the highest regionally, even beating Hong Kong (42.6 hours) and Singapore (39.1 hours). A dubious honour, indeed. But good information for marketeers, I am sure!

My hubby and I, on the other hand, are digital migrants. We adopted technology at a later stage of our lives, but still, we did (vis-a-vis digital outcasts who are lost in the digital age). We are comfortable enough with the computer and the internet. It helps that we are willing to learn from our digital native son.

The two younger boys are following their brother's digital footsteps.

Much literature has been written about raising children in the digital world but so far, I think, there is no firm authority on the subject. We parents are learning as we go. Fact is, the world is undergoing a digital revolution and it is changing the way we think, interact and do things.

That's why I am not a hardliner against the use of computers. I just try to guide them in this brave new world as best as I could.

Right Or Wrong? Part 2

Moral reasoning develops through different stages, so say the experts. I tend to forget this and make the mistake of applying more advanced reasoning to a young child which of course leaves little impact on the child. Luckily, Son No 3's school teacher knows better.

One day, Son No 3 came home and told me this: "You know, the teacher told us we cannot fight in school. If somebody punch you, we still cannot punch back. You know why?"

I asked obligingly, "Why?" And waited for some good moral reasoning, like an eye for an eye, makes the whole world blind, or something in that vein.

He answered, "Because the teacher will scold and punish both of us."

Kudos to the teacher - simple, effective and logical reasoning to a young child. And she has reached her objective of keeping an orderly classroom.

Son No 2 is at a more advanced stage of reasoning and it is to his school teacher's credit that he has begun to explore moral issues in society. Recently he asked me whether I have seen any beggars in the pasar malam.

"These beggars have their legs and arms broken by the bad people. They are always hungry because the bad people take away all their money. So we should not give them any money. My teacher says we should give them food."

The next time I visited the pasar malam, he remembered to ask me whether I gave the beggars any food. I told him, honestly, that I did not see any beggar. Lol, my son has become the keeper of my conscience! But it is good to see my son developing compassion for the less-fortunate.

But as we all know, the world is not black and white. As the children grow, they will need to learn to distinguish and think for themselves the various shades of grey.

During the school assembly this week, the Chairperson of Son No 1's school told them that the maxim "do not judge a book by its cover" is not true. She gave the example of a violinist busker who played beautiful music in a subway and earned maybe $32 a day. If the same violinist were to hold a performance in a concert hall, smartly dressed in a tuxedo, the same violinist can probably charge $100 per head per concert. In other words, the violinist is judged by all the trappings.

I am not sure whether I agree with what the Chairperson was saying or the message that she was delivering to her students. I can turn it around and say that if another violinist has no substance - that is, not talented - then nobody will pay to see him despite all the concert hall ra-ra. Substance always comes first. People will judge the violinist on how well he plays, not by his appearance. People may be taken in by appearance the first time round, but they will soon feel cheated and grow wiser. So it is good advice to us not to be taken in by appearance.

The story was told to me by Son No 1 who seemed impressed by the Chairperson's piece of logic. I was worried that my son may have got the one-sided message - maybe unintended - that appearance is all-important, which is something I cannot agree on. But to be fair, I asked my son in what context was the violinist story told. Son No 1 did not understand my question and I re-phrased it, how come the Chairperson suddenly brought up the story? What was she trying to say?

Apparently, her message was to remind the students to take care of their image through good grooming and not dress scruffily in school. Why? Visitors to the school might be impressed by the school building and physical environment, but when they see the scruffy students, they will leave with a less favourable impression. And to her, a good impression is important because a book is judged by its cover. It is interesting to me that her main concern was how visitors viewed the school, and not how her charges developed under her care - but I know that's besides the point here.

Now I have no argument against the importance of good grooming, but I hope she also emphasised to the students that whatever good grooming that they cultivated would be useless if in the end, the students did not become well-educated, useful members of the society. It is so important that the right message gets filtered to young adolescent minds.

Rubik's Cube

Son No 1 managed to complete the Rubik's Cube yesterday. To me, the proud mom, it is a significant achievement *beaming*. It certainly deserved a Walk Of Fame posting on the blog :)

Son No 1 has been toying with the Cube since he was 8 years old. He could complete one side but when no further breakthrough was achieved, he tossed it aside, only to tinker with it on and off over the years. Once, I got him some literature on how to solve the puzzle, but it failed to get him interested.

Then, on his own, he got some tutelage from the internet and surprised all of us last night - brouhaha, there it is!

Well done, Son!

Holiday's End

Learning a new skill needs persistence, grit and determination. Son No 2 shows that he has plenty of these qualities as he practises swimming almost everyday now this past week under his very patient but demanding brother coach.

As the designated swim coach of the family, Son No 1 has done an excellent job. He succeeded where I would not have because he demanded more and got more. Initially, I kept a close watch on their swimming sessions, but soon began to relax as Son No 1 earned my trust as a responsible brother coach.

Son No 3 has been understandably peeved that he has had nobody to play with in the "baby pool" - which we now call the "children's pool" - with due consideration for his feelings. He is not ready to learn swimming as he still dares not submerge his head fully into the water. I tell him when he is seven years old, like Son No 2, then it will be his turn to learn swimming. That does little to pacify him.

We have had a peaceful week, this last week of the school holidays - watching TV/DVDs, resting, completing homework assignments (in the case of Son No 1) and generally getting mentally prepared for the start of the new school year. I would say for all of us that this long holiday - starting from our trip to Singapore in early December to the Gold Coast to this do-nothing week at home - has been particularly rejuvenative.

Ya, we are all charged up and ready to run... bring it on!

A Lesson On Economics

Son No 1 groaned when he read in my AirAsia blog post that I would not hesitate to book AirAsia again when our family next goes on holiday. He'd much prefer Cathay Pacific or Singapore Airlines, which we took when we went to Hong Kong the year before. But... of course. Who wouldn't?

Hmm... a lesson on economics seems to be order. Economics is, simply put, how one manages limited resources to fulfil unlimited wants. In other words, we want a lot of things, but our resources, be it money or time or manpower, are limited. Here, I would focus on money as the limited resource - we are far from the calibre of Daddy Warbucks.

So I asked Son No 1 to think about it: Would he prefer that we go on an overseas holiday once every two years, flying AirAsia, or once every three years, flying a full-serviced airline? The cost of flying AirAsia is roughly two-thirds the cost of flying a full-serviced airline and airfare is by far the single largest expenditure for an overseas holiday for our family of five. This is a question of trade-off.

The next lesson is a bit more complex - the question of notional incremental benefit. If we pay 30% more for the full-serviced airline, do we get 30% more enjoyment? Not forgetting that this questionable 30% more enjoyment is only limited to the duration of the flight, which is a small fraction of time for the total trip. For our recent Gold Coast adventure, total flight time was 16 hours versus 168 hours (7 days) that we spent at the Gold Coast.

Good thing Son No 1 is mathematical and is logical in thinking. I think he can grasp the arguments that are posed. Let him mull over it. My objective is to raise awareness, not to dictate his thinking. We all recognise that there is no right or wrong answer. How we allocate our resources, or in this case, money, depends on many factors, such as one's value system, objective and personal preferences.

If I were travelling alone, I do not even need to think about it. Flying a budget airline is not a problem for me. I do not need the frills. I'd sit there on the plane with a good book and some good tidbits and that would keep me quite happy for hours on end. So long as the airline has a good safety record, I might add.

Now that I am travelling with hubby and children, sigh, it is a different ball-game altogether. They are all individuals in their own rights with different wants. There are more decision criteria that need to be assessed.

I always feel that as the children grow, it would be good to have them understand how we make decisions. It is a lifeskill. In our household, we always apply principles of economics, whether we know it or not. We do not always go for the cheapest that is available in the market. We go for value for money.

And to determine value for money, we always look at alternatives available and the incremental benefit. The 160GB i-pod may seem "cheaper" when compared to the 80GB based on cost per GB, but if we do not even use more than 30GB, then it would not make sense to buy the 160GB. The other useful measurement is cost per use. If the item would be used frequently, then we wouldn't mind paying more for one that is of better quality.

Even when I go to the market, I apply some sort of economic principles, lol! It is really quite simple when it becomes a habit and a way of thinking. Cod fish or mackerel?

Words, Words, Words

Son No 1 is full of surprises.

The other night, after a satisfying pasta and pizza dinner at Hartamas Square, the children, seated behind in the car, were discussing death... again. Honestly, we are NOT a morbid family, but I have no control over their topics of conversation.

This time, Son No 2 started it by saying that he was going to eat a lot of good food so that even when he was 80+, he would not die. He never wanted to die... ever.

In reply, Son No 1 eloquently quoted Tolkien, saying "Death is just another path, one that we all must take."

I couldn't believe my ears - my son quoting from literature? I could not place the quote until Son No 1 revealed that it was spoken by Gandalf, the Grey, in Tolkien's trilogy, The Lord Of The Rings. I was terribly impressed, and I told him so. Son No 1 then went on to deliver another quote on death: "To the well-organised mind, death is but the next big adventure."

I was floored. Unwittingly, Son No 1 has learnt the value of literature.

Just a few days ago, we had this debate on why we needed to study literature in school. Son No 1 had written an essay for his English exam which required him to discuss whether some things that were taught in school was a waste of time. In his essay, he condemned English literature. His main thrust was that there was no necessity to study olden English, because nobody used that type of English any more. I think the reason why he formed this view, that literature = olden English, is because his school literature texts, for the past two years, have been the works of Shakespeare, The Merchant Of Venice and As You Like It. Whether Shakespeare is the best choice for an introductory course to Literature for 12-year-olds is a matter of contention but I think the school and the teacher might be blamed for the students' disparagement of the subject. The students were simply not educated on why they needed to study literature or what literature encompassed.

In my defence of the subject, I told Son No 1 that learning literature is about learning to appreciate the beauty of the language, as opposed to learning the form and function of the language which is taught during language periods. What beauty? The beauty of putting complex thoughts elegantly into few words and of using words to vividly paint a picture in a way that the mind has not seen or in forming an imagery.

Wordscraftmanship is not limited to Shakespeare, the classics, nor is it confined to novels. Very often, we see good use of words among the editors and journalists of The Time, New York Times and other respectable periodicals, to paint indelible images in the mind. If one needs further convincing, one just needs to think of the speechwriters for the presidential candidates in the recently concluded American election 2008. They have honed the art for very practical purposes (google: lipstick+pitbull).

I can't quote Shakespeare beyond "All that glitters is not gold" and "If you cut me, do I not bleed?" but all good writers leave something with their readers. To me, this is the other reason for studying literature. The study of human nature is the core of any novel or play. It is during literature lessons that cultural, psychological and human values are discussed and in the study of well-written literature, there is ample opportunity to understand human nature - the causes, the motivations and the effects. In the real world, as in the working world, this is called developing a high EQ. For those with feet planted firmly on the ground, one might then ask, what higher practical value might there be?

Anyway, coming back to my three sons, I have noticed that even Son No 2 has taken to quoting Tolkien. He goes, "my pre..cioussss...." when he wants to express his emotions!

BTW, the title of this entry is taken from Hamlet, Act 2:

POLONIUS: What do you read, my lord?
HAMLET: Words, words, words.

And some of you would have got it correct: the second quote on Death by Son No 1 is spoken by Professor Dumbledore in Harry Potter And The Sorceror's Stone.

Party Bug

Son No 1 attended a farewell party for a classmate yesterday. Benedict is leaving for a boarding school in Singapore.

The poolside party was held at another classmate, Mishka's condominium at Kelana Jaya. I'll skip the details (actually, I don't have a lot of details) but suffice to say that they all had a lot of fun.

Parents were not invited (obviously), but I managed to get this shot when we arrived at 6pm to fetch Son No 1 home. The group was already posing for Mishka's father when we arrived. I saw them from afar and quickly morphed into a mad sprinter to seize the opportunity to take a shot too. Luckily, I had my camera handy. So, here is half the class of Year 8 Terra:

Standing: Benedict, Mishka

Second row: Sho, Son No 1, Lea, Kathryn, Alyssa

Front row: Edmund, Thomas, Luke, Darren, Melissa

Another Vacation, Another Year

Son No 1's year-end vacation officially started yesterday. But unofficially, his vacation has already started last Monday when he finished his last exam paper. During this past one week, he brought his MacBook to school almost everyday and played on-line computer games (his whole school is wired) because there were no lessons.

When Son No 1 came home from school each day, he quickly adopted a new regime. He would grab a bite (snacks or instant noodles with a mug of hot tea), then check msn, thereafter go through our DVD collection to choose 2 movies to watch. Then he'd disappear into his room to watch the movies on his MacBook - back-to-back - until dinner time. After dinner, it is on-line games and more msn. How's that for a languid lifestyle?

So, what movies has he been watching?

Monday - Mamma Mia, The Devil Wears Prada
Tuesday - Ocean's Eleven, Nim's Island (aborted, too boring)
Wednesday - The Sentinel, The Pianist
Thursday - Three Kingdoms - Resurrection Of The Dragon (mandarin), Bourne Ultimatum
Friday - The Godfather Part 1 (aborted, too much talking), Escape From Huang Shi (mandarin)

And you'd thought he was watching cartoons and slapstick comedies???

Actually, it's not a bad idea to have a movie binge. I wish I had that option when I was a student. In a way, I envy him because there are so many good movies that Son No 1 has yet to discover. And he has all the time in the world to discover those gems.

Looking at his choice of movies (I only helped him choose one and that is The Pianist, which we watched together - for me, the second time, for him, the first time - and I was glad to note that he was thoroughly engrossed in the Holocaust tale), I can't help but think of the Abba hit, Slipping Through My Fingers. My firstborn, whose height is now above my ear, has started showing that absent-minded smile....

Our Top Ten 2008 Hitz

The year is fast drawing to a close and the mood is there for drawing up lists. [Be warned!]

Yesterday, Son No 1 and I sat down together and each came up with our list of favourite songs of 2008. Son No 1 got his I-pod this year and since then, has been following the chart-toppers faithfully. I remember I was about that age when I started listening to pop music. Now, we listen to songs together during our drive home from school.

I might add that Son No 1's list sounded more like his current top ten hits. I know of a few songs that he used to like not too long ago but did not appear on the list.

On the other hand, my list sounded like the Top Ten from 2007-2008. When I did some homework, I realised that some of the songs that I have chosen were actually released in 2007. So, for me, I retain my memory for too long! But where our respective memories overlap, we do like the same songs :)

So here goes (not in any particular order):

Son No 1's Top Ten 2008 Hitz

1 Crush: David Archuleta
2 Love Story: Taylor Swift
3 9 To 5: Mike Myers
4 Disturbia: Rihanna
5 Viva La Vida: Coldplay
6 Love Bug: Jonas Brothers
7 4 Minutes: Madonna feat. Timberlake
8 The Great Escape: Boys Like Girls
9 I'm Yours: Jason Mraz
10 Now Or Never: High School Musical 3

My Top Ten 2008 Hitz

1 I'm Yours: Jason Mraz
2 Bubbly*: Colbie Caillat
3 Finally#: Fergie
4 4 Minutes: Madonna feat. Timberlake
5 Viva La Vida: Coldplay
6 Love Bug: Jonas Brothers
7 7 Things: Miley Cyrus
8 Take A Bow: Rihanna
9 Won't Go Home Without You: Maroon 5
10 American Boy: Estelle feat. Kanye West

*Released in the US, Australia in 2007 but in the UK in 2008
# This is the only track from Fergie's debut album, The Dutchess, that was released in 2008.

Books Forever - Son No 1

Son No 1 is not an avid reader, but he is an intense reader. He reads periodically, but during those times when he read, he would read endlessly. In his first 12 years, I would say Son No 1 has had four phases of such great reading spells.

The first phase was when Son No 1 was 4 years old. He was in pre-school and we invested in a set of children's books called "A Child's First Library Of Learning". It was a most worthwhile investment. Every night, we read 2-4 pages and in that way, we read book by book until we finished almost the entire set of 24 books.

Most people might think that reading such encyclopediac books is dry, but my children (yes, subsequently the two younger boys followed the same path) would disagree. They light up when they discover new things and have a natural curiosity to always want to know more. It is not surprising therefore that people are normally impressed by their general knowledge. This is not to say that my children are exceptional in that way; I believe all children have the same curiosity about the world around them, it's just that some may not have the opportunities to have their questions answered.

The transition from being-read-to to reading-by-himself was difficult. For a while, I did not know where our informal reading programme was headed. Thank goodness the next big wave hit and that was when Son No 1 discovered Roald Dahl. He was about 8 years old then and I believe credit must be given to his class teacher that year for her role in encouraging her students to read. Son No 1 loved Roald Dahl's books and very often, would burst out laughing when reading his books. The characters and plots were zany and sometimes, irreverent. The books were about imagining the impossible and making the impossible a reality.

After that phase, I could not get Son No 1 interested in reading for a while. He did not like Enid Blyton. I could not get any other age-specific books that interested him. He had other distractions and pursuits.

It was when Son No 1 turned about 10 years old, that he started reading a series of books, Mr Midnight, which are essentially horror stories written in the local context. The writing was pedestrian but heeding Deng Xiaoping's theory that "it does not matter whether the cat is black or white, so long as it catches the mice", I bought every book in the series for him. So captured by the books was Son No 1 that he went for a book-signing session at Junction 8 by the author who wrote under the pen-name, Simon Lee, but is in fact a white Australian residing in Singapore. The author gave out a free signed poster of himself, which still hung in Son No 1's wardrobe. Up to when he was 12 years old, Son No 1 would be eagerly awaiting each new additional book to the series and would be among the first to purchase them.

At 12 years old now, Son No 1 tells me not to buy any more Mr Midnight books. His reading has matured to a new level - Harry Potter.

I myself have read Harry Potter and know that the books are page-turners but even I have failed to anticipate how Son No 1 could be so fully captivated by them. He has read the books umpteen times and laments to me that I should have got the hard cover version for him. I would have too, if I had known that he would love the books that much. As it is, it was only the last instalment that his Ping Yee got a hard cover edition for him.

So where do we go from here? I don't know. Recently, I bought the first two of Dave Pelzer's trilogy. I also bought the Diary of Anne Frank. They are my gifts for him for the upcoming holidays.

I have also thought of writing to JK Rowling. I would say, "Please, can you continue writing about Harry Potter? Here, I will give you an idea. Harry and Ginny got married and they had children who also went to Hogwarts. Why don't you write about this next generation? Ya, we can also have the Malfoy gang and a little Hermione brainiac. We ALL want to read more of Harry Potter and only you can do the magic. Kindly make more millions for all our sakes."