Manglish, Singlish, No Diff-la

Not too long ago, Son No 3 was whining about how much work he had and he said, "Aiyoh, want to pengsan already!".

Pengsan? I was quite amused to hear such a local expression coming out of the babe's mouth. I haven't heard this word for a long, long time.

Hmm... Son No 3 is getting quite localised. Actually, he did not understand what pengsan meant. He just knew that was what his teacher would say when she had too much work. [Incidentally, pengsan is the Malay word for "faint".]

Yesterday, Son No 3 surprised me again when he asked me what is the meaning of "alamak". Apparently, his English teacher had used the exclamation in school. I told him it meant "Oh dear..." and that it is a Malay word.

Yes, amused I was, but at the back of my mind, I was also alarmed. I suppose there is nothing wrong with interjecting a local word or idiom into an English sentence. This is the mildest form of Manglish. But at school, children do pick up all forms of Manglish when they interact with other children.

We do not speak perfect English at home but we try to speak mostly Standard English. I admit we occasionally lapse into creole (which is what the linguists call this form of speech such as Manglish or Singlish) but I don't think it is often.

Son No 2 is not much better. When Son No 2 tells a story or relates an experience, he likes to begin, "One time ah, I did this and that...." And I will always correct his sentence and tell him to begin with "There was once I did this and that...".

On one occasion, he wanted to jump down the stairs and I warned him, "Don't jump!" His response was classic. "Where got I jump?!!"

Yes, he is beginning to speak the more serious form of Manglish. This is not unexpected because he goes to a Chinese primary school and the teachers there are probably the main culprits. This is the trade-off for going to a Chinese primary school. Luckily, Son No 2 likes to watch TV and that includes good edutainment channels like Animal Planet, Discovery, TVIQ and recently - and I was truly surprised by this - even the History channel. So his formal speech is quite OK.

I would like to think that the two boys can code-switch to Standard English when the occasion demands it. Most of the time, they can speak fairly well, though there is obviously room for improvement. I just hope there is no further deterioration.

Son No 1, though, almost always speaks Standard English. He has been attending premier schools since young, whether in Singapore or here in Malaysia, and his classmates mainly come from upper class English-speaking homes.

When he first started school here, he asked me what the word "action" meant. Of course, he knew the proper meaning of the word, but he has heard some of the locals here using it as a verb, as in "No need to action-la." I explained to him that action is akin to showing-off.

For me, I am used to hearing both Singlish and Manglish, and so I do not really spot any glaring difference between the two. The chief difference is that Singlish has more Hokkien/Teochew influence, while Manglish has more Malay influence.

Otherwise, both creoles are quite similar. Both creoles use the suffix "-lah" liberally, albeit in different forms as in "-leh" or "-lo". There is also a fondness to tag sentences with "-one", as in "It's not like that-one..." and to use "got" before any verb, to indicate the past tense, as in "I got eat already..."

I guess the commonality of Singlish and Manglish is the obvious manifestation of the "bond" that tie the people from Singapore and Malaysia as having the same roots. I wish more people will remember that.

Another Piece Gone

I have given up on my Sony Ericsson mobile. In the past, it has given me lots of problems - I had to bring it back to the authorised agent less than 6 months after the purchase date. The servicing was free then as it was still under warranty and I must say the after-sale service was superb - efficient and prompt. Nevertheless, when one buys a durable good, one would prefer not to have to test the effectiveness of its after-sale service.

Even after the servicing and changing of parts, I lived with a cranky phone and a crankier joystick for years. The joystick was insensitive at times and when you applied more force, it jumped several notches down the list of options. It just did not want to point where you wanted it to. It was enough to make you want to scream. But to buy a new phone when this phone was functional - despite its quirkiness - would have been wasteful.

Anyway, finally, bits of the black casing started falling off last week, thus making it impossible for me to continue using the phone. Aha... now I do not have to contend with a guilty conscience when I go shopping for a new mobile.

As I do not have the time to shop for a new phone just yet, as a stop-gap measure, I am now using my hubby's spare phone.

That's when I realise there is a problem. The list of contacts in my old phone cannot be merged into my hubby's phone due to lack of memory space. I had to delete some "memory" in my phone. Anyway, I guess it is high time to do some house-keeping. The numbers that I have not used for years will have to make way for those with higher frequency of use.

So this morning, I set out the task to delete low-priority contacts. The majority of these are contacts that I have been keeping since my Singapore days. I am sure we all have such dormant contacts which we keep, either for sentimental reasons or because we are simply too lazy to remove them. So, one by one, ...

Delete - the colleagues from the bank where I worked.
Delete - the colleagues and lecturers from my NIE (teacher-training) days.
Delete - the colleagues from the school where I taught.
Delete - the students whom I have taught.
Delete - the dentist, doctors, gas man, the children's teachers, the schoolbus driver etc

I kept my friends, my family, my present students, my present colleagues and all those new utility numbers in KL.

But you know, that's a whole chunk of my life in Singapore - deleted.

Sure, some contacts from NIE were nothing more than project-mates. Son No 1's dance teacher's contact from his old school was in my phone simply because I might have needed to contact her over dance matters. The gas man, hell, was just a delivery service!

But those were the pieces that formed a part of my live. Every contact represented some piece of memory. As I deleted the contacts, I paused and remembered those moments I had with each particular person. Just a name and the floodgates of memories opened...

*Random*

- My NIE colleague who helped me source for sheep's hearts for my students' dissection.
- My well-educated, modern and wealthy Brahmin colleague from India who invited me to Calcutta (!) for his grand wedding with a girl of his parents' choice in an arranged marriage.
- My various students, their smiles, and mannerisms.
- And so on, and so on...

*Random*

Well, life goes on, I guess.

Though I did think of copying down those contacts in a faithful (paper-based) notebook, which would not run out of memory space so easily, I think there is no point, really.

Life is now, is it not? Anyway, that's what Oprah would have said.

To Work Or Not To Work

Some time last year, one of my good friends in Singapore returned to full-time paid employment after a long spell as a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) - and promptly lost her job a few months later due to the economic downturn.

So AA started job-hunting again. Notwithstanding the master's degree that she holds in the bio-medical life sciences field, she was quite open to other career options, including teaching, but she faced further rejections - which is not surprising at all in today's job market. The situation was enough to make anyone feel down.

As a fellow SAHM, I can perhaps empathise with her situation more than most. Before she rejoined the workforce, we shared many ups and downs in our lives as mothers and SAHMs (there is a perceptible difference between these two terms which I will explain another time) and I can understand her reasons for wanting to go back to work.

Heck, the same thoughts run through my mind frequently. Although we both believe that time spent with family is worth their weight in gold, and are fortunate enough to be in the position to actually have the option to stay at home, which many women don't, it is not clear-cut at all that staying at home is always the natural choice.

Anyway, now that AA has seen both sides of the coin again and again, she tells me something we all know - but tend to forget - that Time is the greatest gift that God can give us, and thus, by extension, Time is the greatest gift we can give to our loved ones.

Over the past few weeks, her hubby and one of her daughters needed medical attention (not life-threatening but time-consuming anyway) and she was glad that she was able to fulfil her duties as mother and wife. If she was holding her job, well, life probably would still have gone on, but the stress in juggling responsibilities and possible self-recrimination for not being there would be wrenching.

So for now, AA will consider some form of part-time employment. That might be the best option - but easier said than done. It is not easy to find part-time employment and job satisfaction is even more elusive.

Sooner or later, I too would be faced with the same soul-searching questions as my children grow and spend more time in school, leading their own lives in their own worlds. My presence will probably be required in diminishing proportions. Would I then rejoin the work force full-time, part-time or start something on my own as an entrepreneur? I do not think I am the type to be able to sit at home and take things easy (I wish I could!)

For SAHMs intending to rejoin the labour market, there is always the deep-seated fear that our value in the working world would have declined exponentially each year we are away from the work force. If we ever want to re-join the work force, there is a time limit before employers write us off mercilessly.

It is not going to be easy. Employers tend to have a negative view of women who were "housewives" before. And chances are the employers are younger than us and while we do not mind, they probably prefer someone who is younger and more malleable. It is going to be The Climb.

Sigh, crossroads again....

Maybe striking out on my own might be the best option...

Turning 6

So now my baby is 6 years old.

More than one well-wisher have wistfully reminded me to enjoy the children while they are young.

I know.... very soon, my baby will be in primary school and when that happens, he will enter a new phase of life.

What will I miss?

1. Someone who is still keen to tag along when I run my errands


2. Someone who skips in the carpark on the way to school


3. Someone who tells me all the details of what happened in class


4. Someone who calls me on the phone when I am not around


5. Someone who laughs out loud at his own lame jokes


6. Someone who laughs out loud at my own lame jokes


7. Someone who thinks I know everything and am the greatest


8. Someone who holds my hand tightly for comfort or security


9. Someone who helps me look at the world thru a child's eye


10. Someone who can be delighted by the simplest things - like an ice-cream or a sweet

But most of all, the 3 things I will miss:

1. Someone who welcomes my bear hugs and hugs me back tightly


2. Someone who still enjoys being kissed


3. Someone who murmurs softly, at the brink of falling asleep... "I love you the most."

Sigh....

Real Living Differences

Based on 2008 estimates, Singapore's per capita income is 3.4X higher than that in Malaysia (2003: 2.7X). This significant difference in per capita income is unlikely to be eroded in a short time, whichever way the current economic storm blows and affects both countries.

Having been back in KL from Singapore for more than 2 years now, I am in a position to translate what that difference in per capita income really means to the general population.

At the macroscopic level, in terms of housing and infrastructure, this is evident even to first-time tourists. Once we cross the Causeway into Johor, it is a different world. The buildings are less gleaming, the roads have more potholes, the surroundings are less spick and span and the cars are no longer all spanking new, shiny and spotless. To a lesser extent, this description of JB also applies to KL.

What would be more interesting is to see at the microscopic level what the lower per capita income really equate to in the daily lives of the ordinary people.

For example, motorcyclists carrying their entire families on the motorcycle is not an uncommon sight - the father in front, holding a toddler in front of him, with his wife behind and perhaps 2 children squashed in between. My first reaction used to be to blame the irresponsible parents and after that, I would lament on the poor enforcement of the law. But now, on further reflection, I guess I can afford to be more sympathetic and recognise that some people may not have a lot of choices.

We see the same motorcyclists sometimes ferrying long poles or heavy equipment - why can't they take a taxi?! - and the answer is probably they cannot afford it. Although motorcyclists are the undisputed menace on the road (together with heavy trucks), I know that for some of them, it is their only form of transportation. It thus adds the pressure on me as a motorist to make sure that they are safe.

At the petrol station, I often see motorcyclists filling their petrol tanks only to as much as their pockets could afford. Thus, (on the right) the display shows a purchase of RM2 worth of petrol. That's less than SGD1! Well, at least, this motorcyclist can travel a little closer to his destination with his 1.11 litre of petrol.

Sometimes, workmen carry mobile phones - but they are still uncontactable. Why? Because they have no money to top up their pre-paid telephone cards. The phone is for showing-off only!

At the kedai runcit (sundry shop), the shopkeepers still sell cigarettes by the stick and colour pencils by the pencil. Apparently, not everyone can afford a box of cigarettes or a box of colour pencils. Note that we are talking about cigarettes here, not cigars, lol!

At the market, we find that the best vegetables and fish have been exported to our southern neighbour for the higher prices that they can fetch - as a result of which we end up buying produce that are not of the best variety. Imported goods are available but by local standards, they are out of reach to many ordinary people.

One phenomenon that we do not see here is declining birth rate. Many of the lower income Malays continue to have large families with an average or 4 or 5 children. When I give away my children's old clothes or toys to the general workers in the condominium, they are truly appreciative - and I can guess why.

Overall, what we have here in KL is really not too bad, considering that Malaysia is ranked 3rd in per capita income in South East Asia, after oil-rich Brunei and Singapore. In the world, Malaysia is ranked 58th while Singapore is at an incredible 7th position.

In fact, there are many students from African nations who come here for their tertiary education and are wowed by what they see. Most of the African nations presently occupy the bottom half of the per capita ranking table.

I do not mean to say that KL is a hardship posting - far from it! There are things that we can afford here that would be quite out of reach in Singapore because of the lower cost of living here. It's just that when comparisons are made, it is inevitable that there will be some areas in which Malaysia falls short.

As for me, having lived in Singapore for a quarter of a century, it did take a while for me to get localised again. The difficulty in adjustment is not due to the less affluent living conditions, but rather, a matter of difference in national culture. But that will be the topic of discussion for another day :)

12 Going On 13

Today, Son No 1 joined his classmates for a hang-out at Mid-Valley for the entire afternoon. Note that "hang-out" is the politically-correct term - not an outing, a gathering or an excursion, all of which sounded too "schoolish", so I was told.

The classmates have been planning this hang-out for weeks, chatting almost every night over Facebook or MSN - where to go, what to do, which day should they go. You may wonder, since they see one another in school everyday, why don't they just talk about it in school, but ah, that's not how young people communicate nowadays. I have seen youngsters sitting around the table, "talking" to each other on Facebook, lol!

This was a hang-out that Son No 1 almost missed. Based on some earlier plans that we had, our whole family should be in Singapore today. I told him well in advance of our plans so that he could canvass among his friends not to have the hang-out today, but still, the majority voted for today. When the voting results came out, Son No 1 hid his disappointment well - but he knew his priorities - we were going to Singapore for Qing Ming - and that was something that was non-bargainable. I am proud of his maturity over this clash.

Then, by a stroke of luck, our plans unexpectedly changed and we were back in KL yesterday, enabling him to make it for the hang-out in the end.

Son No 1 was the first to arrive for the 11:30am appointment time. He was already all dressed up and ready to go by 10am, which was pretty unusual - his penchant for last-minute preparation is legendary. Unfortunately, his friends were tardy. We waited there with him for half an hour before going off and only 3 other boys had arrived. The girls were all going to be late - what a shame. But in the end, they all made it and they went bowling, had McDonald's and watched a movie together. You know, basically hanging out....

My firstborn has grown up much this past one year. His voice has deepened and he is more outgoing. Clothes and hair gel are now on his shopping list and black suddenly became a favourite colour. He is both more considerate and more self-centered, it depends. He is both the nurturing brother and the bullying brother, rolled into one. He is both more chatty and more silent, depending. Like the weather, his taste and predilection can change overnight.

Ya, it's the onset of puberty. There are both positives and negatives associated with this adolescent period. I can't help but notice the growing maturity in thoughts and speech in my firstborn. Nevertheless, the negatives have not escaped my dear son. Mood swings are more common now. For mild moodiness, I would just ignore it. I may roll my eyes, or pass a sarcastic remark of my own, or grumble to my spouse, but largely, I can understand it and would put it down to hormones.

However, when it comes to excessive displays of temper or moodiness, I will not condone it. Hormones or not. While I may understand the scientific basis of the biological response, it is something else if we let such hormones control or take over our lives. Humans are blessed with the faculty to think and this is what sets us apart from other animals. We can choose how to behave and hormones should never be used as an excuse.

Just like my son facing uncharted waters as he enters his teenage years in two months' time, I face my own virgin territories as I challenge myself to remain an effective, relevant parent as my child grows. I have never been a mom to one who is at the brink of adolescence before. Nevertheless, whether it's 2 going on 3, 12 going on 13, or 22 going on 23, the same basic principles should apply to make it work: Love, respect, honesty - from both sides.

Baby, I think we should do fine.

Qing Ming

Yesterday, my hubby and I, together with the 3 boys, made an overnight trip to Johor Bahru, my hubby's hometown, some 300 km away. We were observing Qing Ming, which is the Chinese equivalent to All Souls' Day. Traditionally, the English translation of Qing Ming was Tomb-Sweeping Day, an important day in the Chinese calendar where families gather to commemorate the departed in their ancestry tree.

In Son No 2's Chinese school, Qing Ming is a school holiday. In general, schools in Malaysia have 3 discretionary holidays, and I am glad that the Chinese vernacular schools here have chosen to use one of those discretionary holidays for Qing Ming. It signifies the Chinese community's deeply committed values of filial piety and remembering roots.

For the first time, I was in charge of buying all the things that were traditionally used for such visits to the grave. My sister-in-law was ill and we were on our own this time.

Now, I am not a believer of burning joss sticks and paper effigy or things like that and I do not believe that burning such things will eventually reach the intended recipients. [Interestingly, I told the children we were going to "visit" grandma and grandpa's graves while my hubby told them we were going to "pray" to grandma and grandpa - I noticed the difference in terminology - but I wonder whether the children realised the difference.]

But I carried out my duty to shop for joss sticks, candles and stuff on my spouse's behalf and I did the best I could. I was amused that nowadays, besides the mansions, maids and mobile phones, the paper effigy merchants actually stocked LV handbags, birds' nests and even lace lingeries! The departed must be having a really rocking time down (or up) there. On the other hand, it was sad that school uniforms were also available for children who had met untimely deaths.

Anyway, this was the first time that Son No 2 and Son No 3 followed the rest of us to visit the columbarium where both their paternal grandparents rested. Unsurprisingly, they had plenty of questions. When we showed them the photos of their grandma and grandpa, Son No 3 was pretty insistent that he wanted to see them (as in physically), although he knew they were dead. I don't think he really understood what death meant.

Both of them were intrigued by the burning of the hellnotes. Why was it that when the money was burnt, the money would go to dead people? Well, I am glad they were logical thinkers! I told them it was just a traditional belief - I actually used the word "traditional" - lol, trying to hide behind big words again. But they were smart - they knew what I meant. Oh, you mean, it is like play-pretend??? Yes, something like that.

After that, Son No 3 asked why do dead people need money? Aha, good question. I told him, not really.... and before I could continue, Son No 3 answered his own question. Oh yes, he forgot, it was just pretend.

Son No 1 made an interesting observation of his own - the hellnotes had the same serial numbers! Trust him to be so aware of numbers!

The next question the younger boys asked was where did dead people go? I told them honestly, we really don't know - and that there were some things that people do not know, even when they became adults. I know it would be easy to tell him that dead people went to heaven, but there are some things that I think they would have to search and find answers for themselves.

Then came the difficult part - when they asked, after dead people were buried, what happened to the bodies underground. I remember they have asked this before when their pet hamster died. I told them the bodies would disintegrate. Disintegrate meant decay. In the end, the bodies would become like the soil again. Oh, they asked, is it like they will disappear....? Ya, something like that. Son No 3 then asked would worms come out from their bodies. Well, I think enough is enough! Surely we do not need to go to the gory details.

It was a quick and tiring overnight trip. But I am of the view that Qing Ming is a good and meaningful Chinese tradition. I look at it devoid of religious implications and I intend to carry on this tradition within my family. Now my children are young but looking into the future, it should provide yet another opportunity for busy family members to make time to get together and reflect on their common past. It would be a good way to refresh and renew ties.

The Rainbow Connection

It is fair to say that whatever our age, we are excited when we chance upon a rainbow. But after the initial excitement, what next? Well, then it does depend on your age...

Son No 3 would say "I want to go to the rainbow". His mummy, down-to-earth and dead-honest as usual, would say that he can't. Why not? Well, because a rainbow is just a vision.... (blank look), it is an illusion... (huh?), it is not real.... (it looked very real to him). Look, it will disappear when you go near it, OK? "You mean, it is like the clouds?" Hmm... never mind, I do not really want to take away that innocence so soon. I can't very well tell him that the rainbow is caused by the refraction of electromagnetic waves when the waves travel through media of different density.

Son No 2, two years older and thinking that he is wiser, would say "No-la, you can only get the rainbow when there is rain and sun together, right, mummy?" Then he would go on to say, "I want to go to the end of the rainbow." He has heard of the common folklore and wants that pot of gold. I am not sure whether it is a sign that there is still some innocence left in him.

Son No 1, the analytical big brother, would want to show off to his younger siblings. He would say, "I can tell you all the colours of the rainbow" and would go on to rattle off the names of the colours by heart. Then mummy would challenge him, so which colour is in the inner arc of the rainbow? And after pausing for a while to think, he would be able to provide the answer.

Mummy, on the other hand, would keep her thoughts to herself - pondering philosophically why she sees more rainbows here in KL than in Singapore. The last one she saw was just during the Chinese New Year period. Is the weather pattern here really so different?

Or is God showering more blessings on this country? After all, this country is run by clowns (and that's putting it really mildly since clowns do no harm to others) and yet, the country has managed to function and even escape great calamities. The country has been registering positive growth over the years despite the huge amount of wastage that flows through the very large crevices that everybody knows about. Is this country blessed (in a certain way) or what?

Coming back to the rainbow, some may offer this simple explanation: that Singapore has too many highrise buildings which block the line of sight. To even see the sky, for heaven's sake, one needs to look vertically up. So how to see the rainbow?!

There is an even simpler explanation: when most people come home from work, it is already dark. If one does not even see the blue sky, then how to see the rainbow?

Photo courtesy of pauel_0206

The Talk

I did not expect to get The Talk from Son No 3 yesterday.

Yesterday, Son No 3's school organized a Parents-Meet-The-Teachers session. Normally, there would be no school on that day but because his Chinese enrichment class was still on, he still needed to attend lessons. The prospect of my being around his school while he was having lessons must have troubled him. In the morning, Son No 3 made it point to specifically tell me that "when I am doing my work in my Chinese class, you don't look through the window and see (look at) me, ok?"

It was The Talk - the one where the children tell their parents how to - or not to - behave. Huh? I did not expect it so soon from Son No 3. He is two months shy of his 6-year-old birthday.

My hubby and I only received The Talk from Son No 1 when he was 10 years old. Son No 1 was going to perform a dance on stage and we would naturally be in the audience. Before the performance, he made sure he "prepped" us on how to behave. He told us that, whatever it is, Do Not Wave. Hmm... he must have been pretty bothered when we did that in the past. Clearly, our outward show of support was not appreciated.

I fully understand that there will come a time when children will want to be untied from the apron's strings. Heck, we raise them to be so - nurturing them to become confident and independent, ready to go out to embrace the world. So, should we be happily giving ourselves a pat on our backs?

Not so soon. I need to know one thing: that the children are NOT embarrassed to be seen with their parents. That they know that the image of them with loving, caring parents does not somewhat reduce their stature among their friends. That it does not take away their masculinity, manliness or machoism, whatever name we want to give to that quality that boys or men crave to be in front of their friends.

Of course I do not go out of my way to embarrass the children.

Recently, Son No 1 went for an outing at Mid-Valley with his classmates (5 girls and 4 boys). They were going to meet at KFC and then just hang out. When Son No 1 realised that I was going to park my car and go down with him, I could sense that he was kind of alarmed. But now that he was older and being the tactful boy that he was, he did not want to come outright to say that my presence would ...err, not be welcomed. Do not worry, I assured him, I was not going to tag along. [I didn't need to because two of the girls' mothers would be there *grin*] I was going window-shopping. See, I am not the molly-coddling parent.

I certainly do not want to hang out with their friends. But my point remains that my boys need to understand that it is alright to be seen with loving parents - whatever shape and sizes the parents are. If the friends view it negatively, then I would question the values held by those friends.

I remember this story one of my primary school teachers told us during moral lesson:

There was this girl who was ashamed of her mother because her mother was disfigured. In front of her friends, she would humiliate her and deny her presence. To the girl, the mother was ugly and she did not want to be associated with her at all.

Until one day, her principal called her in and told her why her mother was disfigured. When the girl was a baby, there was a big fire and the girl was trapped in the house. To save her baby, the mother fought her way through the flames, enveloping the little bundle with her own body. As a result, the mother was badly burnt and was disfigured.

Now, our lives are seldom fraught with such drama. But we do see the moral of the story.

So, you may ask, did I peep into Son No 3's Chinese class in the end? If you had ever been a mother of a pre-schooler, you would already know the answer. Truth be told.... of course I did.... I just made sure he did not see me!

The Myth of Multitasking

I am lousy at multi-tasking and I've always known it. I felt like an uber-underachiever when I was juggling work and family responsibilities. I was like going nowhere. This lack of ability to juggle tasks has seemed like a liability and a deficiency, especially when I look at some supermoms out there.

But now... aha, now I have come across a book that validates my position that multi-tasking is a myth (see left). We are essentially uni-task creatures.

According to this book, we cannot perform many jobs at one time and still achieve the same level of success, simply because our brain and neurological pathways are not designed that way. Millions of readers have since concurred that this has been their experience too. Good to know that I have lots of company out there.

Those who claim that they are great at multi-tasking may cry foul now. But really, according to the book, what they are doing is either 1) background-tasking or 2) switch-tasking. Yeah, learn these new jargons, man.

Background tasking has to do with focusing on one task while performing another task that does not require focus, like ironing clothes while watching TV. It is debatable though which is the background task and which is the task that requires focus. For me, ironing would require total focus and watching TV is the background task, though for others, it might be the other way round.

The other behaviour, switch-tasking, happens when one switches focus between tasks rapidly. The premise is that this is less efficient than completely focusing on one task and then moving on to the next task. According to the writer (and he has done studies to prove it), giving full attention to a task is more effective and efficient.

I do find it true in a way - I remember when I was studying for exams, I would listen to music, but the music would recede to the background when I was totally focused on my studies. However, when I was done studying one point, I would be able to hear the music again.

So to all the multi-taskers out there, it is time to examine if there is a better way to distribute tasks that need to be completed. People who, say, only answer emails during designated times like twice a day, understand this concept already. To be constantly distracted, in the name of being a super-multi-tasker, is actually counter-productive.

Why Grades Matter

Some people believe that all I care about my sons is their academic achievement. Some people do not know me at all.

I practise what I preach - when I say that there are 5 aspects of development that is important in a child: Cognitive, Emotional, Physical, Social and Moral. And I do all I can to make sure that they develop into well-rounded and well-adjusted adults. Of course, sometimes my best is not enough - I recognise my own limitations - though any failing is not through lack of effort on my part.

Enough said. At the end of the day, how much we want to make out of parenting is an individual choice. It can be the simplest thing in the world (clothe and feed them) or it can be an all-consuming effort.

But I would like to share my thoughts on why grades are important. Let's be clear, I am not saying that it is all-important - but it is important, nevertheless. It may sound like a motherhood statement, especially within the context of our Asian culture, to even think otherwise, but increasingly there are so-called "liberals" in the world who think that doing well in school is not a big deal. And they go on to quote successful people who have not done well in school and yet have done very well in life.

Of course there are very talented people in non-academic areas who have gone on to achieve phenomenal success, and I am not belittling their achievements in any way. Some may be extraordinarily gifted in EQ and some may have some cultural or material advantage. Some are at the right place at the right time. Good for all of them.

But statistically, we have seen that people who have done well in school have a higher chance of leading a successful life. People used to say that education is the key to escaping the poverty trap and it still holds true today. A good education is still the best insurance that a parent can subscribe to for the child.

Whatever liberals may think, academic achievement is important for a child to build self-esteem which is undoubtedly a pre-requisite to success. Especially in our society. In some schools, teachers actually punish students for scoring low marks. Think what that will do to a child's self- esteem. And in family gatherings, people do ask, how is the child doing in school? These are things that we cannot change. That's why I spend considerable amount of time and effort to help my children in their school work. I do not believe that I pressurize them too much; I just want to make sure, as a responsible parent, that they have done their best.

We also have to look at our children from a strategic point of view. In business, we do the SWOT analysis, that is, we look at the organization's Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats, to come up with a competitive strategy. The same can be applied to our children.

If we understand their strengths and weaknesses, we will have an idea how to guide them through life. They need to leverage on their strengths in light of the opportunities that are availed to them. And that's why there is really no broad-brush approach to guiding a child. For example, if a child is going to take over the father's business, then arguably academic qualifications may be less important.

What if the child cannot get good grades in school, even if he has tried his best? Yes, that's the difficult part and there are parents who face this very real dilemma. It may not be that their children are lacking in cognitive ability. It could be just that the system is working against their children. I have seen this in both Singapore and Malaysia. And I can understand why parents are very concerned and would even go to the extent of migration for their children's future. [Foreign education systems have their flaws too but that's besides the point for now.]

The point is, before we need to take any drastic steps, first, we need to help the children cope in school and if possible, excel. Then, if they can't cope, we see if we can continue to nurture their spirit in other ways. If that also fails, only then may parents want to consider other options.

These are all realities of living in this part of the world. Our education systems, on both sides of the Causeway, are not the best, nor are they the worst.

Bottom-line is this: children want to do well in school. It makes them feel good. It is when they keep failing, that their self-esteem goes south and then it becomes a downward spiral. This is the path that we do not want our children to take.

My Mom And The Habit Of Thrift

Last night, my mother called me long-distance for the third consecutive night. It is unusual because ... um, sometimes, we do not talk for weeks - which happens when we get too caught up in our own worlds. Well, the reason she called me could be because my younger sis is vacationing in Hanoi and she needed some female affirmation which she may not be able to get from my brother :)

My mother's Chuan Park apartment is vacant now and on the phone, she was discussing the various prospective tenants with me. As our conversation drifted, she starting talking about how bad the economy in Singapore is. Like me, she uses everyday observations to prove it. She told me that she just came back from the NTUC supermarket and there was no queue that night at the check-out lanes. In fact, the cashiers were sitting around, digging their noses!

My mother has been very concerned about the economic crisis - not for herself, but for us, the younger folks. At the end of the phone call, she reminded me to be thrifty, telling me what I have been reading in the papers and listening on the news everyday... that the depressing economic spell could be a prolonged one. And my children are still young... I noted that during other recent economic bad times (Asian financial crisis, SARS fall-out), she did not ring such an ominous bell.

I have a lot of respect for older folks and I appreciate her concerns. The Chinese saying goes that they have eaten more salt than we have eaten rice. And I know where she is coming from because her generation has gone through a lot in the past.

My mother does not talk a lot about her past but from bits and pieces gathered over the years, I know my grandfather was a tailor and the family headed to wherever the economic opportunities were - so they had lived in Kampar, Telok Intan, Penang, Singapore and Kuala Lumpur. Times were tough and my mother only went to school when they had the money to pay school fees. During the Second World War, my mother was around 10-12 years old and her head was shaved bald by my grandmother so that she could pretend to be a boy to avoid the unwanted attention of the Japanese soldiers. Her elder sister by ten years disguised herself as an old woman.

Things might have got a bit better much later when she married my dad, but she was widowed when I was 6 years old. I can imagine how daunting it must have been for an uneducated young woman (she was 35 at that time) to think of a future without the support of a husband. Remember this was the early 70's and women's lib was still in its infancy in Asia.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we survived - through wit, grit and thrift. Thanks to my mother.

Knowing her background, it is not surprising that even today, although most people know my mother as being financially comfortable, she continues to haggle over every single transaction, big or small. I like to go to the wet market with her because she can bring down the prices to shocking levels! She goes to the hairstylist and haggles over the price of a hairperm. She would do the same while shopping for a car or an apartment with my brother.

I'd like to think that I have inherited the habit of thrift from her. Not the haggling, I am hopeless at that. But I do not crave for material possessions of the non-functional kind. My needs are simple: it is already considered a luxury if I buy a full-priced book from a bookshop. My reading materials are normally sourced from 1) discount bookfairs 2) those 3-for-the-price-of-2 promotions and 3) what is available on my brother's bookshelves!

I have one weakness, though. Travelling. If I have to choose between a 1-carat bling-bling and an overseas holiday, the latter would win hands-down. What if I have enough money for both? Then I would choose to go for two holidays. You get what I mean?

So, in the spirit of belt-tightening in anticipation of the deepening recession, overseas holidays will have to go for the time being. I declare that we are grounded. But there is still Cuti-cuti Malaysia (the tagline from the local tourism promotion board). Now I can't wait to explore the rainforests and some of the beaches and mountain resorts in Malaysia.... :)

Digital Natives

Son No 1 (above, 2 years old, 1998) is the first "digital native" of our family. He grew up in a wired world and learnt to control the mouse before he could hold the pencil properly.

A few months before his second birthday, he had his first interaction with the computer. He started playing a free sample CD-Rom called Living Books (pic) that was packed in a cereal box. He spent hours clicking here and there on the screen, seeing cartoon images pop out at his command. He was hooked. For his second birthday, we got him the Winnie-the-Pooh Interactive Animated StoryBook. And as they say, the rest is history.

Today, Son No 1 exhibits all the traits of a digital native. He:

1. types faster than he writes.
2. is more comfortable before the screen page than the printed page.
3. multi-tasks like crazy - he may be playing a computer game, messaging, chatting on more than one channel (eg msn and facebook), and even reading a real book in-between or doing his school homework - which is largely posted on his school web portal - all while listening to music on his i-pod.
4. is never without a digital gadget in hand - his cell phone, MacBook or i-pod.
5. sources information almost completely on google and wikipedia.
6. eschews the TV (due to commercials) and watches TV programmes on YouTube.
7. watches movie DVDs on his MacBook.
8. adopts new technology and ideas like fish to water.
9. wants everything instantly, or yesterday.

Lately, Son No 1 achieved a new feat. I saw him playing two computer games at the same time! He explains - it's like he sets up the battle in one game, and while waiting for his on-line opponent to respond, he can toggle to another game. Oh my.

I know Son No 1 is not the exception. He belongs to the 29% of the Malaysian population who are digital natives. In a recent survey (Synovate Young Asians, 2007), it was found that this group, aged 8-24, multitask so intensely that they are able to fit a total of 43.8 hours of media activities into a 24-hour day! This is the highest regionally, even beating Hong Kong (42.6 hours) and Singapore (39.1 hours). A dubious honour, indeed. But good information for marketeers, I am sure!

My hubby and I, on the other hand, are digital migrants. We adopted technology at a later stage of our lives, but still, we did (vis-a-vis digital outcasts who are lost in the digital age). We are comfortable enough with the computer and the internet. It helps that we are willing to learn from our digital native son.

The two younger boys are following their brother's digital footsteps.

Much literature has been written about raising children in the digital world but so far, I think, there is no firm authority on the subject. We parents are learning as we go. Fact is, the world is undergoing a digital revolution and it is changing the way we think, interact and do things.

That's why I am not a hardliner against the use of computers. I just try to guide them in this brave new world as best as I could.

Blogging Is Here To Stay

Yesterday, a Singapore Straits Times journalist wrote that "Blogging is so dated... now you twitter".

I am not sure if the above link works for non-subscribers to the Straits Times, so I am reproducing part of his article here.

"BLOGGING is so last year.

Now, the latest rage among netizens is the Internet form of SMS, using tools such as Twitter or Plurk to give friends an instant update on their lives, on subjects ranging from good makan places to news events.

According to research firm Hitwise, blogging traffic slowed last year, while the usage of Twitter and Plurk has exploded.

The number of Singaporean users visiting and using Twitter's site jumped 602 per cent between January last year and last month, said Hitwise, which does not reveal absolute figures."

The reporter went on to interview 2 undergraduates who went on and on about how great Twitter was.

There are two points I want to make here.

One is that the purposes of blogging and twittering are not the same. Those who blog for the purpose of keeping friends and family updated (I call them social bloggers) may want to switch to twittering or social networking sites. I agree that these could be more effective channels, especially for those who are finger-tied (as opposed to tongue-tied) when fingers come into contact with the keyboard. Twittering is also very suitable for those who are always in a rush, and I know a lot of young people who are like that.

But there are many others who blog for other reasons - for example, there are the serious bloggers who want to share their thoughts with the general public - in this case, the growing community of netizens - and have nowhere to publish them, save the internet, via a blog. Many of these succeeded in influencing opinions, as politicians in many countries can attest to. If blogging is dead, I think the politicians will be the first to cheer.

So, no, I do not think that blogging is dead or dated. But for the casual blogger, like me, it does take considerable motivation and time. But a twitter will not do the trick for me. I have problems keeping my posts short!

The other point I want to highlight is how statistics can pull the wool over one's eyes. First of all, I would like to ask what is the volume of blogging traffic compared to twittering traffic today. We all know a low base will distort numbers when we talk about percentage rise, so a phenomenal rise of 600+% is nothing to shout about if the base is low, and I believe it is. Without announcing absolute numbers, the researcher loses credibility. Is it deliberately trying to create a story - that might be true - but not unexpected?

I would also like to ask who commissioned the research firm, Hitwise, to conduct the research. Research firms know on which side their bread is buttered.

By the way, I am not against twittering... in fact, I have a dormant twitter account. It just does not serve my needs.

Right Or Wrong? Part 3

Most teachers need to teach Moral Education in school besides their regular specialty subjects. There is a pitiful lack of guidance as to how to teach this subject. It is not easy. Son No 1 just confessed to me that they are normally given a free period.

When I was assigned to teach Moral Ed to a Sec 4 (Normal) class not too long ago, I decided that my students should be challenged to do some thinking. I gave them some scenarios and asked them what they would do and why. It is easy to answer I don't know, but that's not an option - and don't let that be an option for you! Think about it. Here are some examples:

1 The Value of a Friend You recently got to know that one of your best friends is taking drugs/getting involved in gangs. Nobody else knows about it. What would you do?

2 The Value of a Promise A close friend confides in you that he has stolen some money from a classmate and he made you promise not to tell. When the teacher accuses another student (who is not a friend) of stealing the money, do you keep your promise? This innocent student will be severely punished. If the person who is being unfairly accused is also a good friend, would it make any difference to your decision?

3 The Value of Trust You have a close relationship with your parents and they trust you that you will not lie to them. One of your friends is planning a party when her parents are out of town and you dearly want to go to the party because you want to be in the "in" crowd. But you know your parents will not let you go to a party without adult supervision. All your other friends are not telling their parents the truth and they urge you to do the same. What would you do?

The above are typical moral dilemmas faced by teenage students, in various guises. Moral dilemmas usually arise when there is a conflict between doing what is RIGHT (our duty) versus what is GOOD (as in morally acceptable) and when the RIGHT action may lead to BAD (undesirable) consequences.

In the first scenario, The Value of a Friend, we recognise that the dilemma arises because teens hold this strong value of peer loyalty - which ordinarily is something GOOD because we don't want friends who snitch or tell on us. But in such a situation, they may want to think about what is the meaning of true friendship. They know that taking drugs or joining gangs will eventually lead their friend to doom, thus they know that the RIGHT thing to do is to tell - to save the friend. But it takes an awful lot of courage to tell - they will almost certainly lose the friendship, a BAD consequence, from their point of view.

This is what is called the courage of conviction - when one knows what is the RIGHT thing to do and will do it, however tough the action is, or undesirable the consequence may be. This theme was expounded in the book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" when Atticus Finch took on the case to defend a black man in a conservative town despite knowing the undesirable consequences that he and his children would inevitably encounter.

The second scenario, The Value of a Promise, explores again the conflict between what is GOOD - to keep your promise - and what is RIGHT - to save the innocent. Many students will make the distinction between saving the accused - if the accused is a friend - and not doing anything - if the accused is not a friend. This again illustrates to me the strong bonds of friendship that exist among teens. This dilemma of "saving the innocent" versus "personal detriment" reminds me of the lead character, Jean Valjean, in "Les Miserables". Jean was an escaped convict - and when another person, a vagabond, was mistakenly arrested and identified as him, he was in a dilemma whether to confess of not.

The third scenario, The Value of Trust, requires the students to weigh the consequence of lying to their parents which, if discovered, will lead to the loss of trust between the parents and the child. The students need to ask themselves, "Is it worth it?" This is a dilemma created when a GOOD action - telling the truth - will lead to a BAD (undesirable) outcome, as far as the student is concerned, because he risks not going to the party, unless he manages to persuade his parents otherwise.

I normally tell my students to trust their parents to do the right thing. Parents do not make rules to make their children miserable. They make rules to make their children safe. And parents want their children to be happy - in fact, they want them to have a lifetime of happiness, not a moment of temporary happiness which may lead to a lifetime of misery. A recent Liam Neeson show, "Taken", actually dramatised this learning point to make an interesting movie.

Now that we all have got the hang of moral reasoning, lol, we can try out this more complex but interesting case. This is a true story, so the internet tells me, and happened in 1842.

The Overcrowded Lifeboat A ship struck an iceberg and more than 30 survivors were crowded into a lifeboat intended to hold 7. The lifeboat was giving way. It soon became obvious that the lifeboat would have to be lightened if anybody were to survive. You are the captain. What would you do?

I will reveal what actually happened in due course :) See Comments

Right Or Wrong? Part 2

Moral reasoning develops through different stages, so say the experts. I tend to forget this and make the mistake of applying more advanced reasoning to a young child which of course leaves little impact on the child. Luckily, Son No 3's school teacher knows better.

One day, Son No 3 came home and told me this: "You know, the teacher told us we cannot fight in school. If somebody punch you, we still cannot punch back. You know why?"

I asked obligingly, "Why?" And waited for some good moral reasoning, like an eye for an eye, makes the whole world blind, or something in that vein.

He answered, "Because the teacher will scold and punish both of us."

Kudos to the teacher - simple, effective and logical reasoning to a young child. And she has reached her objective of keeping an orderly classroom.

Son No 2 is at a more advanced stage of reasoning and it is to his school teacher's credit that he has begun to explore moral issues in society. Recently he asked me whether I have seen any beggars in the pasar malam.

"These beggars have their legs and arms broken by the bad people. They are always hungry because the bad people take away all their money. So we should not give them any money. My teacher says we should give them food."

The next time I visited the pasar malam, he remembered to ask me whether I gave the beggars any food. I told him, honestly, that I did not see any beggar. Lol, my son has become the keeper of my conscience! But it is good to see my son developing compassion for the less-fortunate.

But as we all know, the world is not black and white. As the children grow, they will need to learn to distinguish and think for themselves the various shades of grey.

During the school assembly this week, the Chairperson of Son No 1's school told them that the maxim "do not judge a book by its cover" is not true. She gave the example of a violinist busker who played beautiful music in a subway and earned maybe $32 a day. If the same violinist were to hold a performance in a concert hall, smartly dressed in a tuxedo, the same violinist can probably charge $100 per head per concert. In other words, the violinist is judged by all the trappings.

I am not sure whether I agree with what the Chairperson was saying or the message that she was delivering to her students. I can turn it around and say that if another violinist has no substance - that is, not talented - then nobody will pay to see him despite all the concert hall ra-ra. Substance always comes first. People will judge the violinist on how well he plays, not by his appearance. People may be taken in by appearance the first time round, but they will soon feel cheated and grow wiser. So it is good advice to us not to be taken in by appearance.

The story was told to me by Son No 1 who seemed impressed by the Chairperson's piece of logic. I was worried that my son may have got the one-sided message - maybe unintended - that appearance is all-important, which is something I cannot agree on. But to be fair, I asked my son in what context was the violinist story told. Son No 1 did not understand my question and I re-phrased it, how come the Chairperson suddenly brought up the story? What was she trying to say?

Apparently, her message was to remind the students to take care of their image through good grooming and not dress scruffily in school. Why? Visitors to the school might be impressed by the school building and physical environment, but when they see the scruffy students, they will leave with a less favourable impression. And to her, a good impression is important because a book is judged by its cover. It is interesting to me that her main concern was how visitors viewed the school, and not how her charges developed under her care - but I know that's besides the point here.

Now I have no argument against the importance of good grooming, but I hope she also emphasised to the students that whatever good grooming that they cultivated would be useless if in the end, the students did not become well-educated, useful members of the society. It is so important that the right message gets filtered to young adolescent minds.

Right Or Wrong? Part 1

My children have been trained - intentionally or otherwise - to ask "Why?". It's not a bad thing, but sometimes it does get you scratching your head for answers. This arises particularly when questions on morality arise. How do we know what is right and what is wrong? As all-knowing Adults, we are guided by our internal compass which we have developed over time and we claim that by instinct, we know what is right or wrong - or so we think. But to a child, this demarkation between right and wrong can be very confusing.

A simple illustration goes like this: Son No 3, playing in the living room, calls loudly for Siti, our maid, who is in the kitchen. Siti comes running hurriedly, wondering what's the emergency - and Son No 3 asks her to scratch his leg. The mosquito bite is really, very itchy.

Our instinctive reaction is to scold him - this reeks the bringing up of a spoilt child. But then, when Son No 3 asks, "Why (is this not right)?", it throws us off-balance because to us, it is just so obvious that calling the maid to scratch the itch is ... well, decadent. But it is not obvious to the child at all why this behaviour is "not good". At 5 years old, he does not comprehend why Siti can help him clean his backside but Siti cannot help him scratch his leg - he is not being deliberately spoilt - he just doesn't know better. So it's good that he asks, "Why?" so that we at least know what is confusing to him and not take things for granted. In this case, the answer is simple - if he can do the things himself, he should not call Siti to help him, he should do it himself.

There are some other "truisms" that are more difficult to explain but nevertheless, it's always worth a try. Son No 3 sometimes goes round asking people to give him things. This may happen in Pet Society, a make-believe world, or it may also happen in the real world. Believe me, what he does in the make-believe world is exactly the same as what he would do in the real world. He sees his friend in school possessing a Ben 10 pencil that he likes very much. He already knows that he cannot take it without permission (it's called stealing and the police will catch him). But what if he asks his friend to give it to him? AND the friend willingly agrees? Nothing wrong in asking, right? Willing asker, willing giver.

"You cannot ask other people to give you or buy you things. Only mummy and daddy can buy things for you".

"Why?"

(Not directly answering the question) "Others like popo (grandma) can buy things for you but you cannot ask them to buy things for you".

"Why cannot-uh?"

Err... "We don't want them to spend their money..." (Not the best answer but still....)

"OK, what if the friend WANTS to give me things?"

"No, even if the friend wants to give you things, you cannot take them".

"Why? Not even a sweet?"

"OK, maybe a sweet is okay. But not if it's from a stranger."

"If popo gives me a sweet, I can eat?"

"Yes."

"What if Faidu wants to give me a pineapple?"

"You mean, like in Pet Society? Then it's okay."

"What if Faidu wants to give me ALL the things in his house? Hahaha!" (For some reason, he is tickled by the thought:))

There is no end to the queries... the rules that we set up that day will not cover every eventuality. Can he take a sticker that his friend gives him? Is Ping Yee acceptable as a giver? Can he give other people things?

So, in the end, as in all good advice, the rule became... "When in doubt, ask...."

"Ask who?"

There we go again...

A Lesson On Economics

Son No 1 groaned when he read in my AirAsia blog post that I would not hesitate to book AirAsia again when our family next goes on holiday. He'd much prefer Cathay Pacific or Singapore Airlines, which we took when we went to Hong Kong the year before. But... of course. Who wouldn't?

Hmm... a lesson on economics seems to be order. Economics is, simply put, how one manages limited resources to fulfil unlimited wants. In other words, we want a lot of things, but our resources, be it money or time or manpower, are limited. Here, I would focus on money as the limited resource - we are far from the calibre of Daddy Warbucks.

So I asked Son No 1 to think about it: Would he prefer that we go on an overseas holiday once every two years, flying AirAsia, or once every three years, flying a full-serviced airline? The cost of flying AirAsia is roughly two-thirds the cost of flying a full-serviced airline and airfare is by far the single largest expenditure for an overseas holiday for our family of five. This is a question of trade-off.

The next lesson is a bit more complex - the question of notional incremental benefit. If we pay 30% more for the full-serviced airline, do we get 30% more enjoyment? Not forgetting that this questionable 30% more enjoyment is only limited to the duration of the flight, which is a small fraction of time for the total trip. For our recent Gold Coast adventure, total flight time was 16 hours versus 168 hours (7 days) that we spent at the Gold Coast.

Good thing Son No 1 is mathematical and is logical in thinking. I think he can grasp the arguments that are posed. Let him mull over it. My objective is to raise awareness, not to dictate his thinking. We all recognise that there is no right or wrong answer. How we allocate our resources, or in this case, money, depends on many factors, such as one's value system, objective and personal preferences.

If I were travelling alone, I do not even need to think about it. Flying a budget airline is not a problem for me. I do not need the frills. I'd sit there on the plane with a good book and some good tidbits and that would keep me quite happy for hours on end. So long as the airline has a good safety record, I might add.

Now that I am travelling with hubby and children, sigh, it is a different ball-game altogether. They are all individuals in their own rights with different wants. There are more decision criteria that need to be assessed.

I always feel that as the children grow, it would be good to have them understand how we make decisions. It is a lifeskill. In our household, we always apply principles of economics, whether we know it or not. We do not always go for the cheapest that is available in the market. We go for value for money.

And to determine value for money, we always look at alternatives available and the incremental benefit. The 160GB i-pod may seem "cheaper" when compared to the 80GB based on cost per GB, but if we do not even use more than 30GB, then it would not make sense to buy the 160GB. The other useful measurement is cost per use. If the item would be used frequently, then we wouldn't mind paying more for one that is of better quality.

Even when I go to the market, I apply some sort of economic principles, lol! It is really quite simple when it becomes a habit and a way of thinking. Cod fish or mackerel?

Click - Not Another Review

Today is the first day of 2009. It is probably cheesy to write a review of 2008 and/or a list of resolutions for 2009. So I am not going to do it.

Instead, I am going to write about the Adam Sandler movie that we watched on DVD last night, Click. Briefly, this 2006 comedy is about a busy, up-and-coming architect who constantly needed to balance work under a demanding boss and a charming family consisting of a pretty stay-at-home wife and two children aged 7 and 5. One day, he landed a universal remote control that allowed him to control his life, like a TV box. He could fast forward his life when he hits rough patches, pause his life to give him time to do things that suited him, or rewind his life to specific past moments in his life.

Ya, it is another time travel show - and it was appropriate for us to watch as a family (minus Son No 3 who is still very selective about the type of shows that he could sit through) on New Year's Eve. Of course, when we began watching the show, at the recommendation of Son No 1, who had watched the show alone when we were in the Gold Coast, we were just looking forward to it as another comedy. But there is good food for thought from this show...

As I reflected on the show on New Year's Eve, I find myself asking what would I have done if I have this gadget with me. Fast forward my life? Pause my life? Rewind? I am not about to reveal in this public blog what my action or actions might be, or to which point I would like to rewind or fast forward, if indeed that was desirable. Private thoughts are sometimes better reserved in the remote recesses of the mind. And I have already been more than honest in this blog of mine.

But I would like to invite you, my dear readers, to pause for a moment and think about your life too.

Oh no, I hear you say, is she going to be moralistic and highbrow about things? Well, the answer is no, obviously *twinkle*

What I am saying is this: it's the start of a brand new year, I know the tills are ringing in the shops with fabulous post-Christmas sale, but it's timely that we take stock of our personal lives. In the mad whirlwind of these modern times, I know how easily it is to lose track of time and find that oops, yet another year has passed.

Going with the flow could mean precious years lost. Think about it.

Words, Words, Words

Son No 1 is full of surprises.

The other night, after a satisfying pasta and pizza dinner at Hartamas Square, the children, seated behind in the car, were discussing death... again. Honestly, we are NOT a morbid family, but I have no control over their topics of conversation.

This time, Son No 2 started it by saying that he was going to eat a lot of good food so that even when he was 80+, he would not die. He never wanted to die... ever.

In reply, Son No 1 eloquently quoted Tolkien, saying "Death is just another path, one that we all must take."

I couldn't believe my ears - my son quoting from literature? I could not place the quote until Son No 1 revealed that it was spoken by Gandalf, the Grey, in Tolkien's trilogy, The Lord Of The Rings. I was terribly impressed, and I told him so. Son No 1 then went on to deliver another quote on death: "To the well-organised mind, death is but the next big adventure."

I was floored. Unwittingly, Son No 1 has learnt the value of literature.

Just a few days ago, we had this debate on why we needed to study literature in school. Son No 1 had written an essay for his English exam which required him to discuss whether some things that were taught in school was a waste of time. In his essay, he condemned English literature. His main thrust was that there was no necessity to study olden English, because nobody used that type of English any more. I think the reason why he formed this view, that literature = olden English, is because his school literature texts, for the past two years, have been the works of Shakespeare, The Merchant Of Venice and As You Like It. Whether Shakespeare is the best choice for an introductory course to Literature for 12-year-olds is a matter of contention but I think the school and the teacher might be blamed for the students' disparagement of the subject. The students were simply not educated on why they needed to study literature or what literature encompassed.

In my defence of the subject, I told Son No 1 that learning literature is about learning to appreciate the beauty of the language, as opposed to learning the form and function of the language which is taught during language periods. What beauty? The beauty of putting complex thoughts elegantly into few words and of using words to vividly paint a picture in a way that the mind has not seen or in forming an imagery.

Wordscraftmanship is not limited to Shakespeare, the classics, nor is it confined to novels. Very often, we see good use of words among the editors and journalists of The Time, New York Times and other respectable periodicals, to paint indelible images in the mind. If one needs further convincing, one just needs to think of the speechwriters for the presidential candidates in the recently concluded American election 2008. They have honed the art for very practical purposes (google: lipstick+pitbull).

I can't quote Shakespeare beyond "All that glitters is not gold" and "If you cut me, do I not bleed?" but all good writers leave something with their readers. To me, this is the other reason for studying literature. The study of human nature is the core of any novel or play. It is during literature lessons that cultural, psychological and human values are discussed and in the study of well-written literature, there is ample opportunity to understand human nature - the causes, the motivations and the effects. In the real world, as in the working world, this is called developing a high EQ. For those with feet planted firmly on the ground, one might then ask, what higher practical value might there be?

Anyway, coming back to my three sons, I have noticed that even Son No 2 has taken to quoting Tolkien. He goes, "my pre..cioussss...." when he wants to express his emotions!

BTW, the title of this entry is taken from Hamlet, Act 2:

POLONIUS: What do you read, my lord?
HAMLET: Words, words, words.

And some of you would have got it correct: the second quote on Death by Son No 1 is spoken by Professor Dumbledore in Harry Potter And The Sorceror's Stone.