Closure

A number of good friends and loved ones have asked me about the sudden silence on this blog and I apologise for it. Truth is, I have lost the inspiration to write during the past 2 months or so - and even now, as I write, I am struggling to pen my thoughts into words and coherent sentences.

During the past two months, I have unravelled my life... and put it together again. Come 17 August, my title will be reduced back to "mom" and not "stay-at-home mom".

The decision to go back to work is not a difficult one - I have always known that I am not cut-out to be a permanent stay-at-home mom and that at some point in time, I will start to dabble at some other things to keep my mind occupied. [This blog has more or less served that need for the past one year.]

The timing, though, has always been a big question mark. At which point in time do I cross the hurdle back to the working world?

There are practical considerations (like having reliable help at the homefront) as well as affective ones such as the desire to be there when the children are young, at a time when they need me the most. But there is no magic formula to determine the point of intersection when the graph for children's needs (presumably negative gradient) meets with the graph for the mother's needs, beyond which there is no longer incremental utility for staying at home. In addition, there is always the fear factor - which is the decreasing market value of the mother the longer she stays away from the workplace.

Many people think that "if it ain't broken, why fix it?" - and my life certainly isn't "broken". This is not a mid-life crisis! I want to state categorically that I am happy as a stay-at-home mom, and I treasure the times I have with my three sons... and certainly, I will always look back at this period of time as God's greatest blessing on me.

And yet, there is this desire to do more, to stretch myself. God has given me certain talents and nurture has ensured that I am not one to be complacent. At this crossroad in life, I have considered many options (which I will not go into details here) as to what I will do with the remaining years of my life, and ultimately, I have decided to return to my first love, which is teaching.

And so, I will be teaching Chemistry and Biology at the KS3 and KS4 levels (UK curriculum) in an international school here. I will be a full-time staff member working from 8 am to 2:30 pm. The job requirements are quite similar to my last job in Singapore. But hopefully, the work-life balance here, under a team of Brits, will be different from the crazy workaholic work culture in Singapore schools.

On the practical side of things, my going back to work means a re-look at the the children's logistical needs. We considered school buses, shifting activities to weekends, daycare for the two younger boys. We went house-hunting to see if we can shift closer to the children's schools, failing which we considered changing schools for the children. We seriously considered all these possibilities (that's why I said I was unravelling our lives here) but in the end, decided the best option was really to engage a driver to ferry the children around. It is not the most cost-effective option, but it is probably the best option. Thus, as far as the two younger boys are concerned, everything remains status quo, except for the driver of the vehicle.

Son No 1, however, will be changing schools. We have already been contemplating changing schools for him for more than a year now due to the shortcomings of his current school and this presents a good opportunity for him. We will be going to the same international school and though he understandably has his apprehensions about his mom being in the same school, he is mature about it. After all, the fees are very much reduced due to the staff benefit accrued to his mom!

As the next phase of my life is about to begin, I can't help but reflect that life is short. It is up to each of us to make full use of it, based on our best judgment and individual circumstances. Each of us is presented with a unique set of cards and each of us has to find the best path for oneself. As I embark on this path at this point in time, I can only ask for God's blessings. I hope you will do the same for me.