Welcome to the Family!

We finally adopted two hamsters yesterday! Son No 2 named them Blackie and Brownie, no prize for guessing why.

Brownie was quick to adapt to its new surroundings (seen here on the right) unlike Blackie who was hiding inside its house.

The hamsters are dwarf hamsters, measuring 3-4 cm each, and come from China/Mongolia. The salesperson describe them as aggressive. And indeed they are, compared to the Syrian hamsters from Netherlands which are generally more passive and sluggish. I told hubby, what do you expect - they have the Mainland Chinese genes :)

We all underwent an education on what it takes to keep a pet.

It is not just a matter of getting the animals, their food and their home (left). It also involves getting them vitamins(!), comfortable bedding and a dry shower spray, as they do not like to be bathe in water. In the end, the cost of the animals (buy one, free one) is about 10% of the total cost for everything.

We can expect loads of offspring from these two (one male and one female) as we are told hamsters breed like mice (they are mice ie rodent family). That should be exciting... I hope. May even end up a profitable enterprise!

A Normal Weekend

Weekends are just as hectic for us. Saturday sees us having a sleep-in. After a leisurely breakfast, we need to rush for taekwando classes for Sons No 1 & 2 and mandarin enrichment class for Son No 3. That takes us to a late lunch, after which, we send Son No 1 for his mandarin enrichment class. In between, we run errands like sending clothes to the laundry, visiting the bank, grocery shopping and the like.

We try to keep Sunday free from chores/routine - a family day - and this normally means we go out for a shopping trip or lunch. Once in a long while, we go to the cinema or to the park at Lake Gardens. There are limited places where we can go to in this city.

Sometimes, we stay in on Sunday. I love that too because that will mean a real rest for all of us. A long nap in the afternoon, reading in bed, hubby tending to the flower beds, children doing their own things in their rooms. Heaven.

Me A Blogger And A Blogsurfer

I am a late adopter to the world of blogging by most accounts. There are millions of blogs out there, most belonging to real people, like you and me. It is such a pleasure to get to know fellow bloggers... people who use it like an on-line diary, sharing what they do on a day-to-day basis, revealing their innermost thoughts.... people who want to further what they deem a worthwhile cause... people who just enjoy writing and getting their writing published (moi!).

It may seem a contradiction, this thing about private thoughts that are posted for all to see. But this is precisely the power of blogging, when the readers (we all hope) are often strangers and are non-judgmental . This is the medium where one can say what one wishes to say and does not need to find the right moment, the courage and the audience to hear what has to be said.

Although I used to limit myself to a diet of political blogs, I have since broadened my horizon. Having sampled scores of personal blogs, I am slowly keeping a list of my favourites. I am now following the lives of a Malaysian law undergraduate in Melbourne, a SAHM of three living in Boston, a graduate office worker in India and a Muslim engineering student at a Malaysian university. What they all have in common is their sincerity (you can feel it) and their ability to turn the most ordinary experience into an interesting piece of writing with surprising perception and uncommon insight. As you may guess, I am not particularly fond of those blogs which are big on pictures but are miserly on words. There are some blogsites like Wordpress, like what its name suggests, which do host some very good quality writing.

I have found myself enriched as I browse others' blogs. Joining in a birthday celebration, a shopping trip, travels to China, first-date anxieties, morning-after blues, first-step joy, exam triumphs, flight delay frustrations... It is serendipity at its best.

Now for a motherhood question: one quickly realizes from the many common shared experiences of people all over the world, that the human race infinitely has so much more in common than differences; why is it then that humans cannot get along?

Well, I did say it is a motherhood question.

We need more JK Rowlings

JK Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter books, gave the commencement address at Harvard University this year. I just thought I'd like to share it here. She extolled the benefits of failure and imagination and I was pretty touched by her speech - not only the text, but her style of delivery which is very down-to-earth. But this post is not about the commencement address :)

University President Drew Gilpin Faust applauded her selection as commencement speaker, saying, "No one in our time has done more to inspire young people to … read."

I can't agree more. Many parents and teachers owe a debt of gratitude to JK Rowling because she has made books fashionable again with the younger crowd.

Getting the younger generation to read books is an uphill task in today's digital world and we need more authors like JK Rowling. Not only can she create memorable characters and weave plots, she writes in a very reader-friendly manner. It is this latter skill that I find is often lacking in many authors of junior literature. Roald Dahl is the other author who has it. His plots are original, zany and clever, his writing style humorous.

Son No 1 read Roald Dahl when he was 8 years old. Book after book after book. When he ran out of Roald Dahl, he (or rather I) could not find another author which could hold his attention. When he was 10-11 years old, he read a series of books called Mr Midnight but it is, what I would call, popcorn literature. For this pre-teen age group, there are a large number of books written for girls but noticeably fewer for boys. I can understand the commercial reasons for that. But it is not helpful to parents of boys who are trying to get their sons to read.

It was not until Son No 1 discovered JK Rowling that he began reading again. He has watched all the Harry Potter movies but in order to know the ending to the series, he had to read the 6th and 7th book. That's when he got hooked. Having tasted Rowling's narrative, he was not contented with the movie offerings. So he started reading all the earlier books. Again and again. In fact, for his school's monthly book review assignment, he has been writing about Harry Potter's books every month.

We need more authors like JK Rowling. Meanwhile, I am collecting reading lists from schools and shortlisting them for Son No 1's consumption.

Conversations With Son No 3

How To Sleep

"Mummy, I can't sleep."
"Just try."
(Fidget, fidget) "Mummy, can you teach me how to sleep?"
"Ok, close your eyes, don't talk, don't move."
(After a while) "I still can't sleep."
"Hmm, Daddy says you can count sheep."
"No use."
"Ok, just pretend to sleep."
(Brightens up) "You mean, I don't really have to sleep? Pretend only?"
"Yes, just pretend to sleep."
"Really?"
"Ya, really."
(Pleased) (Shortly after, falls asleep) "Zzzzz...."

Traffic Light Dilemma

"Mummy, why did you go on red light?
"Erm..., the traffic light was spoilt."
(Frown) "But how did you know?"
(Long pause) "Ya, I just know...."

[Truth is, that particular traffic light is redundant. All the regular motorists in that area agree :) If I were to stop, I would be honked. But a little white lie is ok... for peace of mind. Can you imagine the barrage of questions that will follow if I had tried to explain in full?!]

Gastonomic Obsession

"Mummy, I was a good boy today."
"Oh, yeah? What did you do?"
"I finished all my dinner."
(Nod) "Ya, that's good. What else did you do?"
"I finished my lunch."
(Nod again, still hopeful) "Aha..., anything else good that you did today?"
"Ya, I finished my breakfast."
(Give up)

A Responsible Pet-Owner

It will be Son No 2's birthday in ten days' time. His favourite aunt from Singapore, Ping Yee, who has a knack for giving thoughtful presents that are well-received, has come up with the idea of getting a pet for him. Given the space constraints of our 1900 sf apartment, it will need to be a hamster (or similar rodent), fish or terrapins. Son No 1 has had fish and terrapins before and the unanimous choice now was the mammal.

When quizzed how he would take care of his pet, Son No 2 was quick with his answer. There were 5 things that he needed to do, he declared. He named them:

1. Give it food.
2. Give it water.
3. Bathe it.
4. Clean its home.
5. Play with it.

Wow, I was impressed. He must have read it somewhere or got it from some TV programme. [Though he did not know that hamsters hate water and they do not need to be bathe - I read that from Wikipedia.]

Anyway, off we trooped to the pet shop at Ikano Power Center to recce this afternoon. To my surprise, when we surveyed the various pets on display, Son No 2 was not excited. Instead, he was worried. He was worried that he would not be able to take care of his pet.

And so, we did not make any purchases today. He said he would think about it. And just now, before falling asleep, he told me he was still thinking about it.

With that, I am now convinced that he will make a responsible pet owner. I will have no qualm about getting him a pet, when he feels he is ready.

Hannah Montana Concert

Tonight we had a family activity. We watched the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus 3-D "Best Of Both Worlds" Concert on the Disney Channel on TV. Cousin Yim had earlier passed to us three pairs of 3-D glasses for this event.

The evening started well. My three sons plus Dad waited excitedly for the show, with their 3-D glasses in hand, plenty of Pringles, Twisties and other tidbits ready to be consumed. The lights in the living room were suitably dimmed. Then Ta-Da! Hannah pranced onto the 42-inch plasma in her blonde wig, amidst screams from mainly 8-10-year-old girls in the audience. She is good, I like her. To Hannah's credit, she did manage to hold my three sons enthralled .... all but 12 minutes?

Haha, this is not surprising, really. After the novelty of watching the 3-D effects has worn off, the real attraction of the night took centrestage. You guessed it. It's all those tidbits lying on the table. For occasions like this, Mom usually relaxes her stance on snacking and my three sons know it. They now had a legitimate reason to stuff themselves silly.

Oh well, Mom did manage to shoot some photos for posterity's sake. And Son No 1 wiki-ed on stereoscopy to learn more about 3-D effects. Not all is lost.

I Love You

I taught my children to say, "I love you" two years ago. At the same time, I started saying, "I love you" to them. Yes, children need to be taught how to express love and they also need to be told that they are loved.

This important point, that love is the foundation to a secure child, has been emphasized in many parenting literature that I read. But in true Asian upbringing fashion, I used to prefer other ways of expressing love (which I will elaborate another day) to a direct verbal declaration. After all, we, the traditional Asians, are well-known for our reticence in discussing feelings.

It was not until a new lady colleague joined my department two years ago and I began overhearing her telephone conversations with her children which were sprinkled liberally with "I love you" and "I love you too" that I decided to take a leaf out of her book and apply it to my own children. This new colleague, a Chinese, has a brood of six children whose ages range from new-born to 16 years of age, all of whom are evidently well-brought up. In my books, this new colleague qualifies as a super-parent and I am not ashamed to learn a thing from her or two.

It was not difficult initiating this new practice to Sons No 2 and 3 who were toddlers then. Everynight, I would end my good night with "I love you" and they would do the same. Gradually, "I love you" entered into our list of commonly-used vocabulary. Do I see any tangible change in my relationship with them? Certainly. At times when I have punished or reprimanded them, they would say hesitantly, "I love you" and I would always reply, however angry I was at that point in time, "I love you too". This serves to remind all of us that the basis of the discipline is love.

With Son No 1, well, it was more difficult. Up to today, I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times we have exchanged such declarations, and those were earthshaking moments which either preceded or followed significant events of our lives. Different strokes for different folks? Perhaps, but sometimes, I do feel regret that I did not start this practice earlier.

Multilingual Challenges

The ability of living things to learn and adapt to the environment is something that is often underestimated.

Son No 2 was practically an English-totaller, when he joined the vernacular Chinese primary school at the beginning of this year. In the school, the main language of instruction is mandarin. In less than half a year, he is now fairly comfortable in mandarin and there is evidence to show that his thoughts are beginning to be framed in mandarin.

How do I know?

One, I have begun to notice that at times, his English sentence structures sound peculiar. There was once he said, "I everyday do homework." This sounds like a translation from mandarin, "Wo tian tian zhuo gong ke." In English, we would have said, "I do homework everyday."

Also, in English, we normally say, "My brothers and I ....." but in mandarin, it is "I and my brothers... " And in English, we say, "Where are you going?" whereas in mandarin, it is "You are going where?" There are many other examples of how the two languages differ in terms of sentence structure. It can be confusing to a new learner.

Two, it is noteworthy that in the learning of the third language, Malay, Son No 2 has chosen to use, not English, but mandarin to help him remember new Malay words. Thus, peppered all over his Malay textbook are chinese characters to remind him of the meaning of the Malay words.

In a way, I am profoundly glad that he has not faced much difficulty picking up mandarin and to a lesser extent, Malay.

Nevertheless, niggling anxieties remain at the back of my mind. After all, Son No 2 has always articulated well in English. His English reading skills are above average for his age group. It would be sad to see him taking a step backwards where the usage of English is concerned. So, I am not resting on my laurels. Seeing that the teaching of English is insufficient in school (only once a week!), I will make sure that he continues to build a good foundation in English through my personal coaching. Yes, that's the kiasu mom speaking... unapologetically!

Meaningful Work

I confess. I am not really a full-time stay-at-home mom (SAHM). I have a very part-time job as a tutor at a local university here in Kuala Lumpur. I teach Management and my students are all working adults. We meet once a month, though we have on-line interaction in between tutorials.

In all my classes, there is a story that I never fail to tell. It goes like this:

A man was walking past a construction site. He met a labourer who was laying bricks and he asked him, "What are you doing?"

The labourer replied, somewhat rudely, "Can't you see? I am laying bricks!"

He met a second labourer doing the same job. This labourer, when posed with the same question, gave this answer: "I am building a cathedral. When it is completed, it will be the most beautiful cathedral in the city and it will save many souls."

What is the point of the story, you may ask?

It is the concept of meaningful work. The second labourer is able to derive meaning in his work, however mundane it appears to be, and as a result, he is a happier worker. I see it as my job to impress on my students, many of whom are managers, the importance of helping their subordinates find meaning in their work.

I apply the same concept in my life. As a SAHM, things are not always cotton candies and hugs and kisses. In fact, I spend a lot of my time chauffeuring my children around. They attend different schools which start at different times and the schools are dispersed widely geographically. On the average, I am on the road four hours a day.

What keeps me going is the value I place on the one-on-one time that I have with each child as I drive them around. I realised earlier on that, with my boys, they are usually not comfortable if you were to sit down and hold a four-eye conversation with them. It is much easier when you are doing a parallel activity with them. And the times we share in the car is ideal. I have learnt a lot about them, what they do in school, their friends, their thoughts and so on, while we are in the car.

Still, sometimes, they can be uncommunicative and you may be greeted with grunts or snores. But as a parent, we just need to keep trying.

A Less Rugged Generation?

In the wake of the deaths of two NSmen in Singapore recently, questions have been raised if the new generation is getting softer.

Coincidentally, coming back from school yesterday, Son No 1 grumbled, in his semi-slumber state after a long car ride, asking why he had to walk everyday such a distance from the car to the apartment where we lived.

Let's be clear how far this is. We are talking about walking across a basement carpark, up two flights of stairs to bring us to the lift lobby, where the lift or elevator will carry us to our 2nd floor apartment door at the press of a button.

My reaction was, I am proud to say, muted. I held my tongue and did not do a Tan Ah Teck, though I was tempted to "educate" him how both his parents used to walk at least 20 minutes to and from school everyday, come rain or shine (ok, maybe that's just a little exaggeration there, but so what?)

Thing is, this generation of youngsters have it too good. We bought the Wii console, thinking that the games would at least require some physical movement of body parts. But we were deceived - there are games, lots of them, which only require movement of finger parts. Ya, it's no different from other games in the market.

Coming back to my son No 1, he is indeed getting more laidback. He will not swim laps in the pool, preferring to frolic in the water with his brothers. His idea of exercise is to brandish imaginary swords (or light sabres) with his brothers, with full sound effects. His only redemption is the 1 hour of tennis training that he has every Friday evening and the 1 hour of taekwando on Saturday.

I can't help but think how a stint of National Service would do him good.

Son No 3 - Not the Baby of the Family

Son No 3 has displayed a feisty spirit since birth, seemingly impatient to catch up with his two elder brothers in all aspects of life. This, he has succeeded to a certain extent, as the baby of the family is really not a baby in characteristics at all!

Son No 3 was born with a voracious appetite. He is the only one of my three sons whom I successfully breast-fed due to his sheer determination to consume the maximum milk available to him. His milk intake grew exponentially, as did his size. Since then and up until today, he has always exceeded the 97th percentile in terms of height for his age group.

A fussy eater, he is not. Son No 3 is adventurous in his food and is ready to sample new fare all the time. Those who know him find it amusing that food is never far from his thoughts.

With two elder brothers, it is not surprising that son No 3 is maturing ahead of his time. Consider the songs he sang at different ages:

At 3 years old - "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family ..." from Barney's

At 4 years old - "What time is it? Summer time ...." from High School Musical 2

At 5 years old - "I may not make it through the night, I won't go home without you..." Current Top 10 hit by Maroon 5.

One can't help but wonder what song will he be singing when he turns 6? "Imagine, there's no heaven..." ?

You know how people start appreciating older songs when they get older...? ;-)

Son No 2 - The Animal Lover

Son No 2 came five years after his elder brother. He is seven years old this year. A cheerful child, he takes things in his stride and is the main conduit between his elder and younger brother.

Animals are Son No 2's passion in life. His knowledge of the animal kingdom, gleaned from books and his favourite Animal Planet TV channel, is plain astounding. When he was five, his kindergarten teacher introduced the animal "cat" and he wanted to know whether she was talking about the domestic cat or a wild cat! He is never happy with just the generic names for animals; to him, they are the Nile crocodile, the hermit crab, the bald eagle and the green mamba. Test him on any of their typical diet, habitat and special powers and you are bound to learn something new.

Son No 2 seems to have a flair for languages. He picks up words fast and is able to cope with mandarin surprisingly well, coming as he does from an English-speaking home. His choice of words often reflects his psychological development. He used to ask me questions like "Is Santa Claus real?" but just last week, his question was phrased differently, "Do fairies exist?" To say the least, I was taken aback. Not by the question, but how the question was worded. Ya, I tend to notice things like that.

As the middle child, Son No 2 has the privilege of playing well with both his elder brother and younger brother. The game that binds all three? Pokemon.

Son No 1 - From Game-Boy to I-Pod

My eldest child was born in the Year of The Rat in the month of June. According to the Chinese lunar calendar, individuals born under the sign of the Rat are shrewd and intelligent, possessing a zest for life and yet can be obstinate at times. So far, Son No 1 has lived up to this prophecy.

Son No 1 has just turned 12 this year. At this age, I'd like to think he is poised to enter the chrysalis stage, if compared to the lifecycle of a butterfly. This is the stage between the caterpillar and adulthood during which turbulent changes take place within the outwardly dormant self, often unnoticed beneath a protective cocoon. In the human life cycle, we call it adolescence.

As it is, during the last one year, his interest has changed from game-boy to i-pod. There is a keener interest in outward appearance and a gradual shift in perception of girls is noted, from hostility to neutrality.

Son No 1 is highly analytical with a natural grasp in numbers. Among his notable achievements is the ability to play and win in Monopoly at the age of 4 (he was playing with adults, mind you!). Son No 1 has a penchant for grand sagas and presently, these would include the Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter franchises.