A Visit To The Dentist

Son No 3 finally got two of his baby teeth - the lower incisors - removed by the lady dentist, Dr Tong, at One Utama yesterday.

This was Son No 3's fourth visit to the dentist and he showed very little anxiety. Dr Tong is an experienced, motherly dentist with a kindly disposition. Son No 3 was comfortable with her. Throughout the visit, he was brave and assertive in his demands, instructing Dr Tong not to press too hard, making it known when he needed to rinse his mouth and that he disliked the topical anaesthesia that was applied because it was too hot.

Dr Tong and the two nurses were suitably amused. Son No 3 must have brightened up their day - I guess he is quite different from the normal type of patients that they have. Their pleasure translated to a RM10 discount to the bill!

Son No 3 was most cooperative when it came to mummy's requests to have pictures taken to commemorate the event.

(Above) Taken at home before the visit.

(Bottom) Outside the dental clinic after the extraction.

(Far Bottom) Eating McDonald's vanilla ice-cream 10 minutes later.

But, alamak, I forgot to tell him about the tooth fairy ....

Champion Of All Games

Son No 1's current ambition in life appears to be the reigning champion of all games in his Facebook account, where he is being challenged. He is on his way to seeing it becoming a reality.

I remarked dryly that he should keep up his competitive spirit and apply it to his classmates when the new school term commences in late August.

Seriously, I am quite amazed that he can keep up with so many computer games. OK, it is his main (and only?) preoccupation, but still?

I surmised that it is the way their brains are wired these days.

I was observing him playing a certain strategy game when I asked him how did he learn to play the game.

Like that-lor.

Did you read the manual/instructions?

Huh? (I must have sounded very last-century)

Did your friends teach you?

No need-la.

Then how did you learn?

Like that-lor.

All the time, when he was playing the new game, he was clicking here and there briskly... you can almost see his mind working furiously. Well, if I have to put a name to it, it is probably called experiential learning. It is what schools in Singapore are trying to teach.

I am ambivalent when it comes to my children playing computer games. I know they distract the children and take away their time from reading and other meaningful activities. Nevertheless, I also know there is no way we can shield them completely from the cyber world. At the end of the day, it is discipline, discipline and discipline. I watch out for time excessively spent on computer games (addiction), playing any one game that borders on obsession and the values espoused by the game, overtly or otherwise.

For myself, I am hopeless when it comes to playing new games. My favourite computer game is The Sims. But I do not like it when the game designers add too many new functionalities to the game in newer versions. Just keep it simple, for goodness sake.

My brain is already firmly wired.

"Can We Read The Bible?"

"Can we read the bible tonight?"

Whoa, what brought that on? We were alone in the car this afternoon when Son No 2 popped the question. Ours is not a church-going family and regretfully, God does not figure prominently in our daily home life. So I was somewhat surprised at the question.

"I want to pray to God."

Hmm... it turned out that one of his best friends in school, a girl named Yuki, had asked him this question, "Do you believe in God?", to which he had answered in the affirmative. Yuki had replied that she also believed in God.

I asked Son No 2 casually which church does Yuki attend.

"I don't know, maybe like the one we passed by this morning."

"No, that's a mosque. It's where Muslims go. You know, the boys who wear the songkok. Christians go to church." I paused, unsure how far to continue in this subject. I decided to continue, "Christians believe in Jesus."

"I believe in Jesus and so I am a Christian."

Well.... I doubt he understood the significance of his announcement. Son No 2 went on to reminisce about the time when he attended a church-based kindergarten in Singapore and where they listened to Bible stories and sang songs. That's where he got to know Jesus.

Imagine this, young Yuki has done her part as an evangelist. Now it is my turn to ponder... is this a calling that I have to do my part to introduce my children to Christ? I think I have sufficient knowledge of the Bible but my own relationship with God is a big question mark.

Earlier this year, it did occur to me to introduce God to the children in a more structured way. I realised that spiritual development is one area that I have neglected. I have in fact made a trip to Popular Book Store (they have all types of books) to stock up on children's bible story books as well as bible-related activity books. So I already have the materials ready. I just never got started. This is perhaps the boost that is needed to start me going...

An Update

It has been a busy weekend. First, a new semester has started at the university where I am a part-time tutor. For this semester, I have agreed to take two classes. I enjoy teaching and as I am pretty familiar now with the subject content, I figure it should not take up too much of my time in terms of preparation. But still, it means I have to go to the university on both Saturday and Sunday, once every month.

But what has been really taking up my time is Son No 2's term tests. The syllabus is very demanding for a 7-year-old and I am compelled to guide him in his work. To be fair to him, he is learning two new languages at the same time (Chinese and Malay) and many of the subjects are taught in Chinese. Given that, I would say he has been coping extremely well, better than I had expected.

Good thing is Son No 1 is having his school hols - so my chauffering duties are somewhat lightened. I say, "somewhat" because he still has other activities that require chauffering. You know, things like movies, camps, enrichment classes and chores that need to be completed during school hols.

And Son No 3? He's still mulling over his future career. He has hit the nail on its head last week when he wondered aloud, "When I grow up, there are so many things to do, and I have to work so-oo hard. Mummy, can I be a 'children' when I grow up?" Darling, don't we all wish we can be children all over again? Enjoy your life while you can!

Anyway, this promises to be another busy week ahead. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Race & Religion

Wah, such a heavy topic for my family-themed blog?

Well, I was teaching my Son No 2 a chapter from his Moral Education textbook and this chapter introduced race and religion. What it describes prompted me to write this post. Let me explain.

In this chapter on "zong jiao" which means religion, there are large pictures on each page because these 7-year-olds do not have the vocabulary to study this topic. On one page, there are 4 sketches of children representing the different races: a Malay, an Indian, a Chinese and a pan-Asian. Then there are four sketches of places of worship: a church, a mosque, a Buddhist (not taoist) temple, a Hindu temple. The children are expected to match the race of the child in the picture with the place of worship.

What I am appalled is that I am expected to tell my son that Malay = mosque, Chinese = Buddhist temple, Indian = Hindu temple and pan-Asian = church. It is fundamentally wrong to ingrain such notions in our young. In reality, there is no one-to-one relationship between race and religion, and should never be.

What I need to tell him is that an Indian can be a Christian as well. So can a Chinese. I also need to tell him that some Chinese/Indian become Muslims. No, no, no... it is too confusing for the poor child. Why is this topic taught in such an early age anyway?

Even before this, my Son No 2 has been grappling with his identity. Having spent much of his early years in predominantly-Chinese Singapore and is now studying in a Chinese school, he had little clue that life can be so complicated. To illustrate, some of the questions that he has asked me before include:

1. I am born in Singapore, why am I a Malaysian?
2. We live in Malaysia, why aren't we Malays?
3. We are Chinese, why do we speak in English?
4. How do we know we are Chinese?

Sigh. And to those who think that they will know better when they grow up, I am not so sure.

Last year, when I went for my medical check-up here, the receptionist did not ask me for my religion when she was entering my biodata. But in the medical report, it was stated that my religion was "Buddhist". She had assumed that being a Chinese, I was a Buddhist. Now where did she get that idea, I wonder?

MobTV Rockz

"Look, that's Suntec City! And that's the new Tiong Bahru market."

"It's the HDB flats at Bishan!"

We are watching Channel 8's mandarin drama serials and it's fun to spot places that we recognise. Yes, for this month, we have subscribed to MobTV. MobTV stands for Mediacorp Online Broadband TV. It carries the non-cable shows that are produced by Singapore's own TV stations.

We, in Kuala Lumpur now, are feeling - well, I wouldn't call it homesick - but more nostalgic. Truth is, we miss these shows with a strong Singapore flavour. We love to watch the familiar faces, like Ivy Lee and Felicia Chin and we love to listen to the Singapore-accented mandarin or Singlish as spouted by Phua Chu Kang.

Hong Kong dramas never really cut it with Son No 1 who grew up with Holland Village and The Unbeatables starring Zoe Tay and Li Nanxing. Of course, with MobTV, we can now watch Singapore shows anywhere in the world so long as there are internet connections.

Son No 1 is also a faithful fan of Singapore cinema shows. He has watched almost all the locally-produced shows from I Not Stupid to Just Follow Law and always enjoys these shows heartily. I call those familiar actors and actresses (Fann Wong, Jack Neo, Christopher Lee etc) his Singapore friends.

As it is Son No1's school hols, it's a good time to touch base. Since waking up at 11:30am this barely morning, he has been glued to the laptop, watching Love Blossoms, Beach.Ball.Babes, School House Rockz and Phua Chu Kang re-runs. He's having a whale of a time.

Hmm.. the school hols last an unfettered four weeks. Son No 1 should make my S$16.80 one-month subcription really worth it.

My Mom, My Teacher

Overheard Son No 2 saying to Son No 1: "I don't like studying in school but I like studying at home."

I was touched. It is the highest accolade to me as an educator. And one that is most meaningful.

Well, Son No 2 is a cheerful and eager learner most of the time and it makes a difference - he's a joy to teach. But he does get bored and fidgety easily. Over time, I got to know his learning habits and what makes him tick.

I know, and worry, that in school, there is too much rote learning and not enough fun or thinking activities incorporated into the pedagogy. Sometimes, the children copy things blindly from the whiteboard, without a clue what it is all about.

As a trained educator, I am glad my child is able to benefit from my training. I try to supplement what is missing from school. Especially in the teaching of Science, my forte. Some of our memorable "lessons" include driving round SS2 looking out for plants and flowers that he has learnt in school, blowing into test-tubes filled with different levels of water to make tunes and planting seeds/watching seedlings grow.

In the learning of Malay, our bugbear, I use a heavy dosage of learner's psychology. Introduce, reinforce, assess, review. Maintain a conducive learning environment. Tailor worksheets to ensure success. On the last point, I would add that although I buy assessment books, I seldom use them wholesale. When I do (due to lack of time), I find them not very effective and sometimes, even demoralising. I like to prepare my own worksheets so that they are true reinforcement of what we learnt that day. The worksheets are also meant to build confidence, not to show deficiencies, which should have been corrected at the learning stage.

In part, our study session is another special one-on-one bonding time that is appreciated by both mummy and son. We share much laughter on most days. Of course, there have also been bad days but these are getting rarer as we adjust to each other's expectations. This status quo may not last - children change as they grow - but right now, I just want to enjoy the time that we have together.

Primary One Exam Blues

Son No 2 will be having his term exams this week. He is in Primary One. Can you hazard a guess how many papers he has to sit for?

Let's count:

1. Chinese Writing
2. Chinese Grammar
3. Malay Writing
4. Malay Grammar
5. English
6. Math in Chinese
7. Math in English
8. Science in Chinese
9. Science in English
10. Moral Education

Incredible but true. Ten papers over two weeks. I am thankful that Son No 2 is above average in intelligence. If he puts in the effort, he can do it.

But we are talking about a 7-year-old boy. How much time do we want him to spend on his studies? I tend to think I am pretty liberal in not "forcing" the child to study. It is pointless. But to handle all those subjects? It is pretty daunting for the child.

The syllabi are very heavy for all the subjects (except English). I do my best to guide him, especially in Malay. The Primary One syllabus for Malay is over the top. They learn things that are of little use. Seriously.

I will give you an example. They learn the different parts of an ayam jantan - a cock. You would expect them to learn about the wing, the beak, the tail, the feet. Fair enough. But no, not only that. They are expected to know the name of that little red thing on top of the head, which I now learn is called the "balung". Don't know its English name. Also the little red thing dangling below the cock's head like a beard . It is called "pial". Don't know its English name. Also that little short sharp thing at the feet - called the "susuh". Don't know its English name.

Can someone tell me, for the love of God, when is my child ever going to start a conversation or have a chance to talk about those obscure parts of the cock (as in the ayam jantan)!!!!

Ok, Ok, back to the topic at hand (God, it's good to ventilate those frustrations) - it shows the stress is not only on the child, but also on the Mummy!!!!

As a caring parent, I plan his study time (not more than an hour a day) - plan how he spends that one hour productively, that means, tailoring exercises that gain maximum mileage - plan how to engage him during that one hour by varying the type of activities.... Above all, I am careful not to kill his interest in his studies. So far so good.

There is much we can do about our education system here. But I guess whatever it is, it is still better to learn more things than not to learn anything at all. And at least, the teachers in his school are caring. It is the system that is misplaced.

Luckily, as a trained educator, I know what are the realistic expectations of my child. Marks and position in class/level are not key indicators of the cognitive ability of a child. I know my child's strengths and weaknesses more than anyone. My challenge is really not to let these externalities affect my child's self-esteem. If I ever see the threat of that happening, it will be time to take the child out of the system.

Baby Teeth Tales

Son No 3 is over the moon.

Last night, I discovered that two of his lower incisors are shaky. On closer examination, I could see the buds of the equivalent adult teeth sprouting behind the baby teeth. He was at once both excited and anxious. Grinning from ear to ear, he asked whether he would swallow those shaky teeth when he was sleeping? What if he accidentally swallowed them when he was eating? He wanted to see the dentist straight away. Well, it is my job to reassure him - that's what mothers do.

However, Son No 2, older by two years, is dismayed. All his baby teeth are still intact. Before this, he has been telling me about his friends in school having their baby teeth dropping off and that he was waiting for his turn. It is a double blow now that even his younger brother is having shaky teeth.

Son No 2 asked me wistfully, "Are adult teeth or baby teeth better?"

There is only one answer I can give, "They are the same."

"Why is it that I still have my baby teeth?"

"Well, that is because your baby teeth are very strong."

I have given this same reply 5 years ago as Son No 1 was also a late developer of adult teeth. I remember he too was feeling kind of inferior to/envious of his friends.

Son No 1, now older and wiser and who himself just had his own baby pre-molar extracted to make room for a new one, has been rather helpful on this issue. He comforted Son No 2, saying that his baby teeth also took a long time to be replaced. Son No 2 who looked up to him was somewhat convinced.

Children, sigh... whatever their age, they have their own worries:)

Classroom Chaos

Yesterday, Son No 3 came back with another story about his "naughty" classmate. Wayan, a diminutive angelic-looking 5-year-old, was asked to stand in a corner by Teacher as punishment for a misdeed. Wayan took one step and then returned to his seat, claiming that he was tired!

I was curious how Teacher reacted and prompted Son No 3 to continue with his story. My unusual interest was stemmed from the fact that Son No 3 has declared that he will never want to be a teacher when he grows up. I sense that his classroom experience is not too good and this has affected him somewhat.

So what did Teacher do when Wayan was defiant? According to Son No 3, Teacher threatened to leave the classroom if Wayan did not obey her. Was Wayan moved by the threat? No, sirree! In the end, Teacher had no choice but to carry out her threat and left the class.

Without any teacher in the class, Wayan reigned terror and told his friends that if Teacher returned, he would throw her down the stairs. It's probably bravado speaking. When Teacher did return, he did not repeat what he had said to Teacher's face... BUT one of his classmates did so. Teacher was truly facing a massive loss of face.

There are many angles to this story (eg questions on home upbringing and parental role) but I am focusing on the teacher here. Children can be terrors, I admit, but pre-school teachers need to use some child psychology here. Put yourself in Teacher's shoes. What would you have done? Remember, these children are all fee-paying children and many have parents who are important so-and-so. The teachers cannot do what Chinese school teachers do and wield a cane.

To me, it is important to remember that the child loves attention and will probably play up the situation. When the child refused to stand in the corner, I would have removed him from the classroom. Talk to him, scold him, or whatever... out of sight of his classmates. Make sure he is contrite before he returns. Alternatively, if Teacher knows that the child fears his parents, threaten to call the parents.

Son No 3 once misbehaved in his Chinese class. His teacher did not do anything then, but after the class, his teacher told me about it. I did my part and told Son No 3 in no uncertain terms that his behaviour was not acceptable. The next lesson, I followed up with the teacher and received a glowing report of his behaviour. I am glad. A good parent-teacher partnership works positively for the upbringing of a child.

The Fragility Of Life

My brother-in-law had a massive heart attack yesterday. He was brought to the hospital in the nick of time and this saved his life. He is in his early 50's.

My brother-in-law was fortunate on several counts. The heart attack occurred only when he reached his worksite and not whilst he was driving. He was surrounded by caring colleagues who took quick and decisive action. He was not caught in a traffic gridlock which was prevalent in this city during the morning rush hour. This particular worksite was located in a neighbourhood with a top-class private hospital. Finally, he was tended to immediately by medical professionals on arrival and an angioplasty was done within 3 hours from the time of the arrest.

Near brushes with death affect not only the person concerned. It is a grim reminder to all of us of our mortality and the fragility of life.

Over the past 12 months, I have been in and out of hospitals more than any other period in my life. Three other immediate family members have had life-threatening calls. One year ago, my brother had a heart attack. Over Christmas, another brother was admitted to the high dependency unit for chronic asthma. In April this year, a sister-in-law had a stroke. They all survived, thank God.

The doctors who attended them all had this remark to make: because they are young, the prognosis for recovery is high. My four siblings/siblings-in-law are in their 30's, 40's and early 50's. Is that a comfort, I wonder? It begs the question why is it that we need to watch out for our health at a younger age now?

To me, survival is neither contingent on the state of health nor the person's age, though both factors obviously help.

To me, survival is really contingent on a fortuitous combination of circumstances that enables the person to get medical attention as soon as possible. It is the fight against time, more than anything else.

Ten years ago, I lost a sister who was in her late 30's. She had endured a difficult pregnancy and childbirth. Resting at home during the confinement period, she had continued to be plagued by high blood pressure. When she collapsed, the ambulance took some time in coming and was later caught in a traffic jam. Sure, she was not in the pink of health, but if she had got to the hospital in time, who knows how the course of events might have turned?

Childhood Ambitions

Son No 3 has been contemplating his future career options. I have told him if he studies hard and finishes university ("... is it very hard?" "no, dear.."), he can be anything he wants. That started him thinking...

At the foodcourt, he thought of being the food-seller (hawker) so that he can collect money. But then he was worried. "What if I forget who orders what?" he wondered aloud.

After watching a 9/11 documentary on the History channel, he wanted to be a fire-fighter. Again, doubts crept in. "What if I need to go inside but I can't?"

Nevertheless, he was very sure what he did NOT want to be. He did not want to be a teacher. I was very surprised. When asked why, he said he could not stand it when the children made a lot of noise. I told him that as the teacher, he could ask them to keep quiet. He countered, "What if they still don't keep quiet?" Then he cited a boy named Wayan in his class who was very naughty. Ahem, I wonder what he has been experiencing in school... is his teacher really so helpless?

Then today, in the car, he asked me why is it that some police ride on the motorcycle and some in the police car? I explained to him that those who ride on the motorcycle are the traffic police and they catch people who bang other people's car and do not follow traffic lights. Those who are in the police car catch thieves and other bad people.

Son No 3 then declared he wanted to be the traffic police. Then again, being the cautious fellow that he is, he has two worries:

1. What if people bang him when he is asking the cars to go (at a traffic junction)?


2. What happens when he is sleeping at night and people bang each other?

Well, there's still plenty of time for him to change his mind... !

My Birthday!

It's my birthday today! (Stretch...) But it's only 6:30am.

Where's mummy? Here she is. (Hug, hug) Happy birthday, she says. Can't wait for my present. I have asked for the Pokemon Game guide since a few months ago. There it is!

Ping Yee has earlier got me hamsters (thanks, Ping Yee) and mummy says Fai Du will let me choose my birthday present from him when he comes to visit next week. After breakfast and some computer games, we leave for One Utama. Just mummy and me.

I choose a fresh cream cake with fruit toppings because I can't find any coffee and nice chocolate cake. For lunch, we search high and low for my favourite Genki Sushi but can only find Sakae Sushi. Mummy asks the shopkeeper and he says Sakae Sushi has taken over Genki Sushi. I am disappointed.

But mummy says we can still buy my favourite ebiko "nemo eggs" sushi from the Jusco counter and we can then have a picnic! Yippee! We eat the sushi on a bench in front of the supermarket. After that, we have a second lunch at KFC.

I look forward to going to school because I have a goodie bag for each of my 5 friends: Zhiu Yi De, Yuki, Charreal, Shanel and Loh Yi Ni. Shanel says she will give me a present but she has forgotten to bring it.

That night, we celebrate with the whole family at the "lala" place, a small eatery at Hartamas Shopping Centre.

When we return home, we cut the cake. Now, I am really 7 years old!

Mummy and Daddy take such a long time to take pictures that the candles almost burn the cake. Seriously.

Note how short the candles have become!

The cake is delicious. But what I really like is planning how to train my pokemon with big brother (see below)!

Blogging Conundrum

It occurred to me how strange it is that when things are happening, I have no time (and energy) to update my blog. And when things are not so-happening, well, there is not much to update. Hmm...

Anyway, this week has been one of those weeks. Two visits to the doctor, a visit to the dentist and a mid-week birthday celebration. That about took up all my me-time.

I am still feeling the fatigue and will do justice to Son No 2's birthday celebration at a later date...

Under the Weather

Son No 2 had been coughing for a few days. On Sunday night, the cough got worse and he had congestion in the chest and difficulty in breathing.

Though I count myself as an experienced (read: cool) parent, there is nothing like a sick child that makes you panic and sows doubts about your earlier decisions: Should I have brought him to see the doctor when he first started coughing? Should I have stopped him from going for his taekwando class? Should we all have rested at home that day?

And there is something about the night that casts gloom and pessimism. There is a proven theory that things always seem better in the day - research has shown that more people living in or close to the North Pole tend to have depression when it is winter because for them, the daylight hours are very short.

Anyway, back to Son No 2. Knowing the effects of night (I have rushed to the ER many times in the past, and it is always at night), I got a hold of myself and applied medication as I knew best, using the Ventolin inhaler. It worked for a while. Son No 2 continued wheezing, though he could sleep and breathe easier than before.

The next morning, I brought him to a paediatrician and to cut the story short, he rested at home for a day and is back in school today. He has recovered very well, though he is still on medication.

But that's not the end of it... Son No 1 came back from school today and complained of the same symptoms. He's now sleeping like a baby after taking some medicine. Looks like it's another round of (not so) merry-go-round....