Qing Ming

Yesterday, my hubby and I, together with the 3 boys, made an overnight trip to Johor Bahru, my hubby's hometown, some 300 km away. We were observing Qing Ming, which is the Chinese equivalent to All Souls' Day. Traditionally, the English translation of Qing Ming was Tomb-Sweeping Day, an important day in the Chinese calendar where families gather to commemorate the departed in their ancestry tree.

In Son No 2's Chinese school, Qing Ming is a school holiday. In general, schools in Malaysia have 3 discretionary holidays, and I am glad that the Chinese vernacular schools here have chosen to use one of those discretionary holidays for Qing Ming. It signifies the Chinese community's deeply committed values of filial piety and remembering roots.

For the first time, I was in charge of buying all the things that were traditionally used for such visits to the grave. My sister-in-law was ill and we were on our own this time.

Now, I am not a believer of burning joss sticks and paper effigy or things like that and I do not believe that burning such things will eventually reach the intended recipients. [Interestingly, I told the children we were going to "visit" grandma and grandpa's graves while my hubby told them we were going to "pray" to grandma and grandpa - I noticed the difference in terminology - but I wonder whether the children realised the difference.]

But I carried out my duty to shop for joss sticks, candles and stuff on my spouse's behalf and I did the best I could. I was amused that nowadays, besides the mansions, maids and mobile phones, the paper effigy merchants actually stocked LV handbags, birds' nests and even lace lingeries! The departed must be having a really rocking time down (or up) there. On the other hand, it was sad that school uniforms were also available for children who had met untimely deaths.

Anyway, this was the first time that Son No 2 and Son No 3 followed the rest of us to visit the columbarium where both their paternal grandparents rested. Unsurprisingly, they had plenty of questions. When we showed them the photos of their grandma and grandpa, Son No 3 was pretty insistent that he wanted to see them (as in physically), although he knew they were dead. I don't think he really understood what death meant.

Both of them were intrigued by the burning of the hellnotes. Why was it that when the money was burnt, the money would go to dead people? Well, I am glad they were logical thinkers! I told them it was just a traditional belief - I actually used the word "traditional" - lol, trying to hide behind big words again. But they were smart - they knew what I meant. Oh, you mean, it is like play-pretend??? Yes, something like that.

After that, Son No 3 asked why do dead people need money? Aha, good question. I told him, not really.... and before I could continue, Son No 3 answered his own question. Oh yes, he forgot, it was just pretend.

Son No 1 made an interesting observation of his own - the hellnotes had the same serial numbers! Trust him to be so aware of numbers!

The next question the younger boys asked was where did dead people go? I told them honestly, we really don't know - and that there were some things that people do not know, even when they became adults. I know it would be easy to tell him that dead people went to heaven, but there are some things that I think they would have to search and find answers for themselves.

Then came the difficult part - when they asked, after dead people were buried, what happened to the bodies underground. I remember they have asked this before when their pet hamster died. I told them the bodies would disintegrate. Disintegrate meant decay. In the end, the bodies would become like the soil again. Oh, they asked, is it like they will disappear....? Ya, something like that. Son No 3 then asked would worms come out from their bodies. Well, I think enough is enough! Surely we do not need to go to the gory details.

It was a quick and tiring overnight trip. But I am of the view that Qing Ming is a good and meaningful Chinese tradition. I look at it devoid of religious implications and I intend to carry on this tradition within my family. Now my children are young but looking into the future, it should provide yet another opportunity for busy family members to make time to get together and reflect on their common past. It would be a good way to refresh and renew ties.