Encounter With A True Penangite

The University, where I am working part-time, is based in Penang. In fact, my recruitment interview was conducted over Skype between KL and Penang. So I've never actually met any of my Penang colleagues face-to-face until a few months after I have joined the KL Office.

Penang is not really a small town (its industrial parks count Dell and Samsung among those which have chosen to set up assembly plants there) but it has managed to maintain that quaint small-town charm. Just last year, the Georgetown area was officially designated a World Heritage Site.

But it is its people that I am most amazed with. Penangites are some of the most personable people I have ever met. My best friend while I was in high school in Singapore hailed from Penang, as did many of my wonderful colleagues in Singapore. And after all these years, Penangites continue to win me over with their warmth and sincerity.

At my present workplace, I have many opportunities to come into contact with Penangites again. My first course coordinator is a graduate from USM, one of the top two local universities. She is now working for her PhD. Her surname is "Teoh", a dead giveaway that she is a Penangite (in other places, the surname is translated to "Teo" without the letter h at the end).

The first time she visited the KL Office, she greeted me like a long-lost friend and brought a box of tau-seah-peah for me and my family from Penang. Tau-seah-peah? It was totally unexpected and I was touched. Note that until that first meeting, we only shared a professional relationship over the e-mail. In the corporate world where I came from, I would never have thought of bringing gifts for my business acquaintances. If I did, it would be one of those really boring type of office momentoes. Not something as personal as tau-seah-peah, that delicious bean-paste pastry from Penang.

I would add that this course coordinator of mine is NOT your typical local graduate. She truly knows her job, is fluent in English and has one of the best working attitude I have ever seen on both sides of the Causeway. How I wish we can see more of her kind in the working world.

At the end of that first visit, it suffices to say that I know more about her hubby and one-year-old daughter, than she knows about my family. Before she left, she issued me an open invitation, saying that any time, I am in Penang, drop by at her office and she promises to show me around. The way she said it, it did not sound like lip service at all.

I don't deserve this. I am born and bred in the city (as if that gives me an excuse) and in my working relationships, I have always been direct and professional. I have had no reason to examine any other mode of interaction. Where I came from, we always strived to behave professionally (read: in a task-oriented, objective-focussed manner, without being personal). That's how one gains respect in the workplace.

Later, when my course coordinator moved on to another assignment, she sent me a thank-you card, not the electronic type, but a paper-based, signed-with-ink, and inserted-into-an-envelope type. Now, why shouldn't I be surprised? That gesture is totally in keeping with her character.

It's not that she's not internet-savvy - after all, the university runs on-line university courses - but she took the trouble to be personable. We all could learn a lesson or two from her.

Why Grades Matter

Some people believe that all I care about my sons is their academic achievement. Some people do not know me at all.

I practise what I preach - when I say that there are 5 aspects of development that is important in a child: Cognitive, Emotional, Physical, Social and Moral. And I do all I can to make sure that they develop into well-rounded and well-adjusted adults. Of course, sometimes my best is not enough - I recognise my own limitations - though any failing is not through lack of effort on my part.

Enough said. At the end of the day, how much we want to make out of parenting is an individual choice. It can be the simplest thing in the world (clothe and feed them) or it can be an all-consuming effort.

But I would like to share my thoughts on why grades are important. Let's be clear, I am not saying that it is all-important - but it is important, nevertheless. It may sound like a motherhood statement, especially within the context of our Asian culture, to even think otherwise, but increasingly there are so-called "liberals" in the world who think that doing well in school is not a big deal. And they go on to quote successful people who have not done well in school and yet have done very well in life.

Of course there are very talented people in non-academic areas who have gone on to achieve phenomenal success, and I am not belittling their achievements in any way. Some may be extraordinarily gifted in EQ and some may have some cultural or material advantage. Some are at the right place at the right time. Good for all of them.

But statistically, we have seen that people who have done well in school have a higher chance of leading a successful life. People used to say that education is the key to escaping the poverty trap and it still holds true today. A good education is still the best insurance that a parent can subscribe to for the child.

Whatever liberals may think, academic achievement is important for a child to build self-esteem which is undoubtedly a pre-requisite to success. Especially in our society. In some schools, teachers actually punish students for scoring low marks. Think what that will do to a child's self- esteem. And in family gatherings, people do ask, how is the child doing in school? These are things that we cannot change. That's why I spend considerable amount of time and effort to help my children in their school work. I do not believe that I pressurize them too much; I just want to make sure, as a responsible parent, that they have done their best.

We also have to look at our children from a strategic point of view. In business, we do the SWOT analysis, that is, we look at the organization's Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats, to come up with a competitive strategy. The same can be applied to our children.

If we understand their strengths and weaknesses, we will have an idea how to guide them through life. They need to leverage on their strengths in light of the opportunities that are availed to them. And that's why there is really no broad-brush approach to guiding a child. For example, if a child is going to take over the father's business, then arguably academic qualifications may be less important.

What if the child cannot get good grades in school, even if he has tried his best? Yes, that's the difficult part and there are parents who face this very real dilemma. It may not be that their children are lacking in cognitive ability. It could be just that the system is working against their children. I have seen this in both Singapore and Malaysia. And I can understand why parents are very concerned and would even go to the extent of migration for their children's future. [Foreign education systems have their flaws too but that's besides the point for now.]

The point is, before we need to take any drastic steps, first, we need to help the children cope in school and if possible, excel. Then, if they can't cope, we see if we can continue to nurture their spirit in other ways. If that also fails, only then may parents want to consider other options.

These are all realities of living in this part of the world. Our education systems, on both sides of the Causeway, are not the best, nor are they the worst.

Bottom-line is this: children want to do well in school. It makes them feel good. It is when they keep failing, that their self-esteem goes south and then it becomes a downward spiral. This is the path that we do not want our children to take.

25 Random Things About Me

I've been tagged!  Thanks, sweet niece.  

I've been dying to get tagged since reading many blogs written by those who were tagged.  So now I am supposed to write 25 random things about myself?  Well, here goes...

1  I love my family insanely.  Though sometimes I do wish I can love them less and love myself more... 

2  I'd always wish I have soft hair.  My hair is thick and stiff, and even bonding doesn't help to soften its texture, so styling is very limited.  Ah, for some blow-in-your-face type of wispy hair...

3  My 3 favourite ice-cream flavours are rum and raisin, mint chocolate chip and macadamia nut from Haagen Daz.

4  If I could do only one piece of plastic surgery, I would do a liposuction on my tummy.

5  My dream travel destination - the Silk Road/Tibet.

6  I am a thinker. And proud to be one.  

7  I am passionate about issues of the day.  It's like I've missed out on the revolutionary youth phase or something and am now making up for it.

8  I like to read... a lot...  novels, biographies, newspapers, blogs, and even textbooks.  Seriously.

9  I also like to write a lot.  My writing skills served me well when I was holding a paid job, and now I am writing for myself....which is nice.  And sometimes, I write to the press or on on-line forums to let off steam.

9   My favourite character from Grey's Anatomy is Dr Izzie Stevens.  I imagine if I were a doctor, I would be like her.

10  My good friends from varsity are surprisingly like me, a stay-at-home mom to a brood of kids.  One has 5 children, another has 4 children.  Hmm... in a world where two-kid families and working moms are the norm, we must have shared many common values, even in our younger days.  No wonder we clicked.

11  I am a good driver.  I practise driving on the road like 4-5 hours a day.

12  I can't imagine a life without responsibilities.  Kind of sad, isn't it? 

13  I love playing the piano.  Always have and always will.  What I play depends on my mood.  Remember Clair de Lune from Twilight?  The piece that Edward put on in his bedroom?  I can play that too :)  

14  I hate Malaysian politics.  Really, really hate it.

15  Sometimes, I wish I have a daughter. I love my sons, but to have a girl to balance the yang... that would have been so-awesome.  Well, sometimes the boys wish they have a sister too.... so I shouldn't feel bad about it.  Just natural instinct.

16  When I watch shows that portray the close mother-daughter bond, like in Joy Luck Club, my eyes would be filled with tears.  I am thinking of my own complex relationship with my mother.  No wonder Amy Tan is one of my favourite authors.  

17  Mosquitoes love me.

18  I am not a people-person. Most people think I am aloof, since young. Others are wary about the intensity of my emotions, especially on things that I feel strongly about.  I don't do small talk.

19  I am still using the handphone that I bought in 2003.  The last watch that I owned lasted me more than 15 years.  I generally do not discard things until they are non-functional.   

20  I still have the blouse that I wore for my Varsity interview, and that's like donkey years ago. 

21  I do not understand why God made us such that we need to exercise in order to be healthy.  The only exercise I do daily is walking up and down the stairs leading to my carpark and stretching my right arm when I need to pay toll using my Touch-And-Go card.

22  I have zilch cooking skills.  The other day, my second son paid me a compliment when he said that even when mummy cooked the steamed pork, it still tasted good.  

23  Hoop earrings in white gold are my signature accessories.  I have like 5 pairs of them now, in different sizes and thickness.

24  I love Andrew Lloyd Webber's musicals, though my all-time favourite is Les Miserables.

25  I just want everyone to be happy.  Why is it so difficult?

   

The Pet Society Champ

Son No 3 is the biggest fan of Pet Society, the computer game on Facebook.

Those who are Friends with Son No 3, and have been playing the game, will realise that over the past two weeks, Son No 3 has soared in his rankings. It may appear that he has been spending an excessive amount of time playing the game... but I can vouch that he has not played more than usual, which is about an hour daily. He has also maintained the same number of Friends because I do not allow him to anyhow add on Friends.

What happened was that he has found the .... secret, if you like.... to the game and has managed to level up very, very quickly. I know the "secret" but am not about to disclose it here :)

I do keep a close watch on how my boys play the game (or any game, in fact) and I must say I am quite impressed with how Son No 3 plays Pet Society. He analyses the game, sets a goal, is single-minded about achieving this goal and understands the concept of trade-off..... (wow). Ya, wow. But really... let me explain.

Two weeks ago, Son No 3's pet, Name, was ranked third in the game among his Friends. He decided to set an immediate goal to beat Copper, then at second place. And to do that he knew that he had to accumulate paw points so that he could level up.

So, Son No 3 tried this and that and finally, voila, he stumbled upon a strategy! He was visibly excited and I must admit that I was excited for him too. It was a simple strategy. But now I understand why he sold off everything that he owned - it was not due to any whim - but really, to get coins which he could convert via some indirect means to points. That's why his pet's house was bare and the pet was not clothed. To him, it was no sacrifice - he just did what he needed to do.

Meanwhile, the rest of the family shared in his excitement as he would update us daily how close he was to achieving his goal.

After he has beaten Copper, I thought that was it. But no, Son No 3 has set his sights higher. His next goal was to beat Snuffles. Snuffles was way above him in terms of points at that time but bit by bit, he chipped off the difference until one day, he emerged top in the rankings. He was on top of the world!

Even then, he continued to play until he estimated that he was 3 days ahead of Snuffles. Only then did he relax. Now, he plays more leisurely and has finally spent some of his coins buying clothes and furniture.

I have learnt a lot about my son from this episode. But I am not going to go all-heavy and do an on-line analysis of him here (I shall do it in the private recesses of my mind :)) When I see my children, each with very distinct set of characteristics, I am more convinced than ever that, as the Chinese saying goes, it is easier to shift a mountain than to change a person's basic character. Some traits are truly inborn.

1,2,3...and Go!

This year, we were unable to celebrate the children's grandma's birthday with her and so we decided to create a short video and post it on Facebook. It would be the children's birthday gift for their popo.

Easier said than done.

The final product was 42 seconds, but the production took days in the making! OK, we had other things to do and could only talk about it at night. But we had a glimpse of what directors of films have to go through to get a movie done :)

First, we had to decide on the concept. Initially, Son No 1 wanted to mix a birthday song using the GarageBand software which he has been using in his Music Technology class in school. Son No 3 would play the tune on the piano and it would be a collaborated effort. But after a few attempts, the sound that came out was just not .... right. So we had to abandon the idea.

Then, we thought of having each son performing an item. Son No 3 was ab-so-lute-ly game, he was excited and practised diligently the "Happy Birthday" solo on the piano and I duly recorded it. Son No 2 did not practise a lot but managed to play another solo piece on the piano. But Son No 1 was stuck. Hmm... maybe not... somehow, the whole thing was turning out to look like a piano recital.

On the day before the actual day, I finally provided the story-board and the direction for our grand effort. I would play on the piano and the children would sing the "Happy Birthday" song, first in English and then in Mandarin. Hubby would be the cinematographer. We had to agree on how and where the children would stand, the type of lighting and the effects. I wanted to pan the children's faces close-up, but hubby said our camera would not be able to do a decent job. So we settled for what our equipment could do... which was not a lot.

Anyway, then the actual recording started. The children were nervous on the first take. They sang softly and kept looking uncertainly on the floor or at me. The next take, Son No 2 acted up a bit and moved from his position so that he was half-hidden behind Son No 1. And so on and so forth. Mid-way, I amended the script to have them cheer and greet popo at the end, but after a certain point, it was difficult even to coax smiles from the boys. OK, I think we just had to make do.

Then the post-production began (cheh!). We played the various videos and chose what we thought was the best. But we had a setback when we tried to upload the video - we were told that it would take something like 20 hours! That would cut it really fine to meet our deadline. So, as Plan B, we took a backup video with a poorer resolution and smaller filesize, just in case. But thank goodness, somehow, the uploading speed accelerated a bit and we got our original video up after a few hours.

The feedback from everyone was good - especially popo, she was really happy with her three grandsons. Well, all I can say is that it was definitely worth the effort!

Don't Just Follow Law!

Singaporean drivers..... ah, they're a lovely lot.... really. They Just Follow Law.

I was amused to read the deluge of forum letters to the Straits Times recently, following a complaint by a lady driver that nobody gave way to her when she wanted to change lane during a Causeway jam. She claimed she got into the wrong lane and signalled her intention to change lane but all she got were dirty looks and a concerted effort by drivers on the next lane to inch their cars even closer so that she could not slot in. Some forumers accused her of trying to cut queue while others blamed a whole range of factors ranging from social ills to Mas Selamat.

Wa, what a big discussion on what is a daily occurrence here! Now, if they were driving in KL, they would know that, alamak, that was nothing-la. A skilful Malaysian driver will always manage to slot in, no matter what.

When Singaporean drivers come to KL, they are bent on observing the rules. Like me when I first returned here to live. (Pause) I soon learnt the hard way. Let me share some of my learnings:

1 When In Doubt, Always Do As The Locals Do

At Sri Hartamas, there is a one-way street in which everyone drives one-way... the other way. If you are new to the area and you want to follow the directional sign correctly, you will land yourself in trouble. At SS2, there is a traffic junction where you can turn left even when the traffic light is red. And everywhere, nobody follows lane markings. Of course, Singaporean drivers are not expected to know all these local norms. That's why the rule is: when in doubt, just follow what the locals do.

2 Don't Be Geh-Kiang (think you know best)

There was once I parked at a proper roadside parking lot and I wondered why so many cars shunned those lots and preferred to park further away. Two hours later, I found the answer. Unknown to me, that street at Subang Jaya had pasar malam that night. When I returned to collect my car, I found it surrounded by pasar malam stalls and there was no way that I could remove my car. I had to wait until 11pm.

Parking is one of the motorist's major woes (see picture below) - cars trying to pack like sardines.



3 Amber Light Means Please Accelerate

Do not slow down when you see the traffic light turning amber. This is because all the other cars behind you are actually accelerating to beat the red light. Heaven forbid if you should attempt to stop your car at amber light - your back may very well be kissed.

4 Red Light Does Not Always Mean Stop

Listen, when traffic is heavy and the average speed of cars is below 20 km/h, some traffic rules do not apply. For example, when the traffic light turns red, at least 3 cars can still go through. I promise you, that's the norm and you will not be fined. As for safety, remember what I said that this is only applicable when the traffic is slow...

5 Be STREETsmart

I know this is a tall order for some Singaporeans (can't resist the dig!) but I will offer some practical examples:

• Empty your bladder before you commence a journey, even if it is 5-minute drive - a traffic jam can strike anytime (see below). Guys, have those airline doggie bags handy for quick relief.


• Always give way to those really old cars - they have nothing to lose if they hit you.


• Remember the Motorcycle is the King of the Road here. Motorcyclists whizz and weave, tempting fate day in, day out. They are the most defiant of traffic rules too....

One bin too many...

Helmet is not enough... rubber tyre for extra protection

All in the family.. a common sight









Shifting house...local style

But don't be daunted. Amazingly, most Malaysian drivers are very seasoned (they spend a lot of time on the road) and will know how to keep safe. They may honk you but it's ok, you will learn.... as I did.

Photos courtesy of The Star On-Line.

Celebrating Love

Tomorrow will be another busy day for us. Besides the usual Chinese and taekwando classes for the boys, we need to fit in two more items on the agenda: Son No 2 has a full school day (as replacement for the CNY holidays) and Son No 1 needs a haircut - badly.

So this morning, after breakfast, I started discussing with hubby how to organize the day - whether we need to split up our driving duties and so forth. Then hubby reminded me gently - that it's Valentine's Day tomorrow.

OMG, I could literally feel my mind re-booting itself to process that bit of information!

It's not like I have been living in a vacuum. Despite the gloom on the economic front, the media and the shops have been advertising V-Day, as has Pet Society :) I have even bought champagne and roses for my pet, lol! But still it had not registered.

And now suddenly, the pieces started to fit together. My newly-wedded niece in Singapore has told all her Friends on Facebook that she could not wait for Saturday because her hubby had planned something - and believe it or not, before this, I couldn't connect it - I thought it was just another special weekend for the couple.

Just goes to show how having a family and parenting responsibilities can take the wind out of romance. It's not that we have always celebrated V-Day in a big way - I don't like the feeling that I am being extorted by the shops on V-Day. As we all know, the prices of roses and dinners shoot through the roof due to high demand. Courting couples have no choice, I guess... But for us, we have always preferred to celebrate our birthdays or wedding anniversary.

But still... on this special day, we should think of something that we can do as a family. After all, V-Day is not only for lovers, but for all those who want to celebrate love.