Why Grades Matter

Some people believe that all I care about my sons is their academic achievement. Some people do not know me at all.

I practise what I preach - when I say that there are 5 aspects of development that is important in a child: Cognitive, Emotional, Physical, Social and Moral. And I do all I can to make sure that they develop into well-rounded and well-adjusted adults. Of course, sometimes my best is not enough - I recognise my own limitations - though any failing is not through lack of effort on my part.

Enough said. At the end of the day, how much we want to make out of parenting is an individual choice. It can be the simplest thing in the world (clothe and feed them) or it can be an all-consuming effort.

But I would like to share my thoughts on why grades are important. Let's be clear, I am not saying that it is all-important - but it is important, nevertheless. It may sound like a motherhood statement, especially within the context of our Asian culture, to even think otherwise, but increasingly there are so-called "liberals" in the world who think that doing well in school is not a big deal. And they go on to quote successful people who have not done well in school and yet have done very well in life.

Of course there are very talented people in non-academic areas who have gone on to achieve phenomenal success, and I am not belittling their achievements in any way. Some may be extraordinarily gifted in EQ and some may have some cultural or material advantage. Some are at the right place at the right time. Good for all of them.

But statistically, we have seen that people who have done well in school have a higher chance of leading a successful life. People used to say that education is the key to escaping the poverty trap and it still holds true today. A good education is still the best insurance that a parent can subscribe to for the child.

Whatever liberals may think, academic achievement is important for a child to build self-esteem which is undoubtedly a pre-requisite to success. Especially in our society. In some schools, teachers actually punish students for scoring low marks. Think what that will do to a child's self- esteem. And in family gatherings, people do ask, how is the child doing in school? These are things that we cannot change. That's why I spend considerable amount of time and effort to help my children in their school work. I do not believe that I pressurize them too much; I just want to make sure, as a responsible parent, that they have done their best.

We also have to look at our children from a strategic point of view. In business, we do the SWOT analysis, that is, we look at the organization's Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats, to come up with a competitive strategy. The same can be applied to our children.

If we understand their strengths and weaknesses, we will have an idea how to guide them through life. They need to leverage on their strengths in light of the opportunities that are availed to them. And that's why there is really no broad-brush approach to guiding a child. For example, if a child is going to take over the father's business, then arguably academic qualifications may be less important.

What if the child cannot get good grades in school, even if he has tried his best? Yes, that's the difficult part and there are parents who face this very real dilemma. It may not be that their children are lacking in cognitive ability. It could be just that the system is working against their children. I have seen this in both Singapore and Malaysia. And I can understand why parents are very concerned and would even go to the extent of migration for their children's future. [Foreign education systems have their flaws too but that's besides the point for now.]

The point is, before we need to take any drastic steps, first, we need to help the children cope in school and if possible, excel. Then, if they can't cope, we see if we can continue to nurture their spirit in other ways. If that also fails, only then may parents want to consider other options.

These are all realities of living in this part of the world. Our education systems, on both sides of the Causeway, are not the best, nor are they the worst.

Bottom-line is this: children want to do well in school. It makes them feel good. It is when they keep failing, that their self-esteem goes south and then it becomes a downward spiral. This is the path that we do not want our children to take.