Right Or Wrong? Part 2

Moral reasoning develops through different stages, so say the experts. I tend to forget this and make the mistake of applying more advanced reasoning to a young child which of course leaves little impact on the child. Luckily, Son No 3's school teacher knows better.

One day, Son No 3 came home and told me this: "You know, the teacher told us we cannot fight in school. If somebody punch you, we still cannot punch back. You know why?"

I asked obligingly, "Why?" And waited for some good moral reasoning, like an eye for an eye, makes the whole world blind, or something in that vein.

He answered, "Because the teacher will scold and punish both of us."

Kudos to the teacher - simple, effective and logical reasoning to a young child. And she has reached her objective of keeping an orderly classroom.

Son No 2 is at a more advanced stage of reasoning and it is to his school teacher's credit that he has begun to explore moral issues in society. Recently he asked me whether I have seen any beggars in the pasar malam.

"These beggars have their legs and arms broken by the bad people. They are always hungry because the bad people take away all their money. So we should not give them any money. My teacher says we should give them food."

The next time I visited the pasar malam, he remembered to ask me whether I gave the beggars any food. I told him, honestly, that I did not see any beggar. Lol, my son has become the keeper of my conscience! But it is good to see my son developing compassion for the less-fortunate.

But as we all know, the world is not black and white. As the children grow, they will need to learn to distinguish and think for themselves the various shades of grey.

During the school assembly this week, the Chairperson of Son No 1's school told them that the maxim "do not judge a book by its cover" is not true. She gave the example of a violinist busker who played beautiful music in a subway and earned maybe $32 a day. If the same violinist were to hold a performance in a concert hall, smartly dressed in a tuxedo, the same violinist can probably charge $100 per head per concert. In other words, the violinist is judged by all the trappings.

I am not sure whether I agree with what the Chairperson was saying or the message that she was delivering to her students. I can turn it around and say that if another violinist has no substance - that is, not talented - then nobody will pay to see him despite all the concert hall ra-ra. Substance always comes first. People will judge the violinist on how well he plays, not by his appearance. People may be taken in by appearance the first time round, but they will soon feel cheated and grow wiser. So it is good advice to us not to be taken in by appearance.

The story was told to me by Son No 1 who seemed impressed by the Chairperson's piece of logic. I was worried that my son may have got the one-sided message - maybe unintended - that appearance is all-important, which is something I cannot agree on. But to be fair, I asked my son in what context was the violinist story told. Son No 1 did not understand my question and I re-phrased it, how come the Chairperson suddenly brought up the story? What was she trying to say?

Apparently, her message was to remind the students to take care of their image through good grooming and not dress scruffily in school. Why? Visitors to the school might be impressed by the school building and physical environment, but when they see the scruffy students, they will leave with a less favourable impression. And to her, a good impression is important because a book is judged by its cover. It is interesting to me that her main concern was how visitors viewed the school, and not how her charges developed under her care - but I know that's besides the point here.

Now I have no argument against the importance of good grooming, but I hope she also emphasised to the students that whatever good grooming that they cultivated would be useless if in the end, the students did not become well-educated, useful members of the society. It is so important that the right message gets filtered to young adolescent minds.